In this week’s episode Claire and Kellie share in response to some of the feedback they’ve gotten on Instagram when Kellie put out the call asking, “What are the hardest parts of military life?” Many responders commented on the disconnect between their own military lifestyle and the lack of information and awareness of well-meaning friends, family, and civilians. Claire and Kellie talk broadly and personally about the things many of us wish people knew.
Advice Not Given
- First things first: HUGE hat tip to Casey F. from California for being our first “Soul Mate” Patron. We are beyond grateful for the support; find us on Patreon or leave us a five star review on Apple
- We want to both squash and educate others on what our experience is like
- We know we are preaching to the choir, but maybe this episode will be something you can share with your family and friends--let us say what you’re thinking…
- We want to help bridge the disconnect between our relationships with civilians
- Kellie shares a four letter word to avoid… P-L-A-N; we have a really hard time making strict and unchanging plans; Claire adds how we walk the fine line when trying to be present for high-value extended family time and the many unknowns of our futures; we want to give you dates and details but we rarely know them ourselves
- We are often the bearers of “all of the information” as go-between from service member to the greater family network at large; we don’t have answers (location, dates that they will return, safety issues) and we aren’t trying to withhold information but sometimes IT’S COMPLICATED
- Our service members DO get vacation days and they DO get time off and they DO (sometimes) get to observe holidays; but we DO NOT usually get to say when these things occur and we DO NOT get much of a say about our time and definitely NO SAY about when are where we move and where we live; there is no 9-5 and taking leave when we feel like it--PCS season adds institutional pressure
- Claire shares that when we travel home, we carry a lot of literal and figurative BAGGAGE; literal baggage includes our growing kids, large suitcases, gifts, pets and we often feel like we are encroaching on our families’ personal space and hospitality; figurative baggage that includes carrying several-months-at-a-time’s worth of emotional stuff we don’t always know how to unload over a short holiday visit home
- Kellie hears the hypocrisy in her own feelings of simultaneously wanting to be known and heard but also to be left alone and not questioned about life; her neighbor Richelle Futch has a great book releasing called Her Ruck that talks all about the emotional backpacks military spouses carry; it’s a fine line between what we feel we can share with our families that might be too heavy or weighty to share
- We acknowledge what we KNOW and what we LEFT when we signed on for service and we end up seeing all of what our friends and families are connected to, but rarely do they see/know the people and places and involvement we are part of in our constantly changing communities
- We go on a little bit of a Veterans’ Day (and other patriotic holidays) tangent--we debunk some of the feelings around “Thank you for your service…” We don’t need a seasonal opportunity to show our gratitude to service members and their families; sometimes it feels (broadly) like our country only cares in moments that it behooves them; we question what
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