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In this week’s episode Kellie and Claire discuss a tension they regularly find themselves in as they move around. There is a fine line between utilizing and offering your gifts and expertise each time you enter a new professional, service, or relational situation and recognizing that a situation doesn’t warrant the help or is just fine without your insights for change. They share tips on how to do this tactfully while being true to themselves.
Advice Not Given:
- We all have a library of expertise that often fools us into thinking we have something unique to offer others in our new workplace, volunteer, or relational settings
- We must learn when to shine and when to play it cool; how do we decide when to take the reins and when to be content in a supporting role
- Our eagerness to contribute is simply a desire to contribute to the greater good
- Kellie shares an example of having to temper her “global” professional mindset back down to a very “local” and purposefully small project for a board she serves on. Lesson: bigger isn’t always better and it’s a good idea to check in with yourself to tone yourself down
- Claire gives an example of her recent job at a small private school when she tried to suggest a major curriculum change to her principal and it was met with “crickets.” The school leadership had a better read on the long-term and ongoing needs of the community and acknowledged that what they are doing is working
- A lot of people and organizations simply like “the way they’ve always done it.” Kellie suggests that maybe these groups have perhaps been “burned” by the military community as it comes and goes in their towns. Maybe some communities value STABILITY and CONTINUITY over INNOVATION
- We want to leave a place better than we found it. This mindset is not an indictment on their ways but we sometimes feel we offer a fresh perspective and energy. There is a balance between helping and being prideful about our input
- When we offer this input is this a version of “destructive active” listening? We must understand our audience and their level of interest in having input
- Claire wonders if the constant gauging of our audiences and environment is just another level of exhaustion our lifestyle promotes. Kellie adds that often a “compressed timeline” is yet another variable to consider when availing ourselves to our communities
- Most people have a lifetime to “make a mark” and we usually only have 2-3 years in our communities. This offering of ourselves is often motivated by the desire for recognition or acknowledgement that “we are here.”
- Claire asks how the highs of professional acknowledgement and the desserts of NO feedback/recognition may impact our relationships, particularly our marriages. How does resentment factor into this? Kellie adds that there is also a fear of the future when the military career ends
- Kellie asks, how do you enter a new situation and determine whether to “shine or lay low?” Claire offers three considerations: (1) first get a read on the environment and leadership, (2) understand what kind of relationship you have with those you’ll be working with, and (3) determine how receptive this person may be to feedback before you offer it up
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