Coping with a "Crazymaker" emphasises the importance of setting boundaries.
I remember, years ago, as I wrote in my journal, my hand tensed as the pen scratched out the angry words 'He drives me crazy,' and I burst into song, wailing along with The Fine Young Cannibals' 'She drives me crazy.' I have included two poems in this episode.
I wrote this poem while I was still married to a Crazymaker. The second poem The Stranger Within Her, I wrote soon after I left 10 years of marriage. But how do you set boundaries around a Crazymaker? "What is a Crazymaker?" "Who is a CrazyMaker?" Julia Cameron, the author of The Artist's Way, describes them as people who expect special treatment, discount you offhand. Spend your time and money. Blame you for everything that goes wrong. Create drama in their life and then expect you to fix it for them. Hate keeping to a schedule, except for their own. Hate order and fill your life with disorder. Fill your head with their thoughts so there is no room for your own. Deny that they are Crazymaker and the list goes on...
I am now cautious about getting involved with this type of person. But if you are married to one, or working for one, or have a close family member or friend who is one, how do you pursue your personal goals with them in your life? I am not qualified to answer that question. I believe it takes a team around you of supportive people, including a professional who can help you set personal boundaries.
I went to talk to a psychologist with a plan of action in hand. I also built relationships with supportive people. At first, I had to be brutally honest with them and humbly explain my situation, which was embarrassing, but necessary. I also re-read Susan Forward's book Men Who Hate Women Who Love Them. I also read Working With Monsters by Dr John Clarke, How to Identify and Protect Yourself from the Workplace Psychopath. It is not only women who have to live or work with a Crazymaker. I know men who are in the same predicament. All I can say is GET PROFESSIONAL HELP for yourself, so you can stop enabling the crazymaker and stop dancing to a Crazymaker’s tune. Hopefully, the Crazymaker will accept help as well.
Even if you have an arduous emotional journey ahead of you to fulfil your goal, as I did and many others, I hope that one day you will be able to look back on your unique journey the same way we look back on any physical journey we take. Some are flat and easy, some have hills to climb, some of which are easy, and some are challenging. We know the ones we need an experienced guide to lead us all the way to the top of the mountain, or to advise us to abandon the journey. Remember, you are not alone. Take care of yourself. Beverley JoyRead or listen to my poems at Simply Story Poetry on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, Pinterest, LinkedIn and at simplystorypoetry.com.
