If you're trying to stop drinking, how do you break the cycle of getting to day three, or five, or seven alcohol-free, and finding yourself drinking again because you talk yourself into thinking that you can handle just one or two? How do you get to the point where you don't retreat to old habits when you're feeling lost or bored or empty. Breaking up with alcohol can feel like losing a friend or leaving a toxic lover. I loved to drink. Drinking was a much-anticipated part of my daily routine and had been for decades! Giving it up felt like cutting off an arm.
I knew that I had to cut the umbilical cord because my drinking had become dangerous and unpredictable. Time and time again, I found that no matter how casually my drinking might be at the beginning of the evening, one glass routinely led to a binge. But I continued to struggle, continued to think that THIS time I could have just one or two and that is what is often called denial. When people find themselves in the predicament that I found myself in, they often go to AA and start sharing their stories in a community of others who are doing the same. The AA routine of story sharing is a great way to break out of denial but AA was not practical or possible for me. So rather than going to AA meetings and telling my story, I wrote my way out of denial in an online community where I still write most days. Writing this post ( among countless others), One Glass Won't Hurt, has helped me remember clearly, even into my seventh sober year, why I cannot drink. Not even one. And why although I may remember loving drinking, I also remember the inevitable consequence of my opening that bottle.
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