Stopping myself from drinking alcohol was so very difficult for me to do at first because it was masking the real problems. It didn’t take me long to realise that for me it wasn’t that I was simply addicted to alcohol – it was much deeper than that.
Alcohol was not the only thing I was dealing with.
The real issue was that I wanted and thought I needed alcohol’s effect because it helped to cover up the root of my problems.
Alcohol was the drug I had chosen to help me deal with and cope with the thoughts in my head – and there was a direct connection between my thoughts and my actions
The overthinking, the covering up of historic hurts, the anxieties felt, the self-deprecating thoughts, the cognitive distortions and catastrophising.
Cognitive distortions means that at times I have repetitive, negative, troubling and unpleasant thoughts and I can ‘blow them up’ completely out of proportion.
Slowly as the days, months and years passed the reasons for me drinking alcohol appeared in my head in the form of thoughts, emotions and feelings.
I faced my demons and tried to find methods and ways to face them head on without using alcohol – to find other ways to cope.
I have had to face ‘who I am’ and be accepting of times when I couldn’t – and sometimes still can’t – change things. Sometimes it was exhausting and my emotions were labile at times, but I trusted the members before me who told me to keep going.
In the times when I could not seem to control my anxieties I protected myself by slowing down, by not being the one that everyone relies on, by avoiding stressful situations, by using distraction techniques and self care.
My life is not perfect and it never will be because like everyone’s life it has its ups and downs. But it’s my life now to live as I choose – alcohol does not have any power to control me anymore. I’ve escaped the alcohol trap.
This is a recording of a blog post – Read the entire post at this link on the Boozemusings Blog at this link https://boozemusings.com/i-choose-freedom-escaping-the-alcohol-trap/
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