Like becoming a mother, real friendship requires us to get vulnerable with others and build trust. Getting vulnerable means sharing something tender or hidden about ourselves, indicating we're willing to offer some trust, opening the door for potential friends to share something tender about themselves (and not judging them for it), and crossing that hidden barrier together that allows humans to connect on a deeper level.
In Ep. 15, I speak to Pittsburgh Postpartum Doula Sherilyn Saporito, who shares how she's helping women through caretaking and support services in the home when they are their most vulnerable: right after birth. With a newborn, lots of parents feel depleted, overwhelmed, sleep-deprived and a whole host of other hormone-driven emotions. (I share a story at the top of the episode about how I once treated a friend very badly when I was a new mom; exhausted, desperate, filled with postpartum rage and overcome by anxiety. It wasn't pretty. Boy, could I have used Sheri's help then!)
When a postpartum doula enters the scene, though, parents get the support they need, like dishwashing, older-child-sitting, pet walking, bottle feeding, baby cuddling or any other kind of support that would put the mother at ease and comfort. Moms and Dads who hire postpartum doulas make a commitment to allow their vulnerability to show--something that prideful people, such as myself, may not be willing to do. When I was a new mom, I didn't want anyone to know that I felt like I was terrible at it. I felt like the worst mom in the world because I couldn't get my baby to sleep. When a friend tried to help, I screamed at her instead of allowing my fears show. I chased her away rather than allow her kindness in. And that put a block up that prevented our friendship from continuing.
Sheri talks about how, in modern Western culture, we're cut off from the communities of female support that once existed but which are so necessary for women who need to recover from the bodily trauma of birth, so that they can become well-rested, functioning, good mothers. She discusses how we, in modern culture, rarely interact in co-caretaking activities with other families; how we can reach age 40, give birth, and our own newborn might be the only baby we've ever held. We need help!
Moreover, today's women have been raised to believe we have to do this mothering/advancing career/looking gorgeous/having a satisfying social life thing all on our own--and to make it look easy--when, truly, it's just not possible. At least, not without support, whether that comes from friends or professionals like a postpartum doula.
Learn more about this ancient service with a modern nonjudgmental twist in Ep. 15 of Women Friends. Follow Sheri on Instagram at @pittsburgh_postpartum_doula, and check out her business partner, Laura McCarthy's, website to learn more about their services at https://wearyourlittleone.com/.
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