Some major elements involved in being able to hold your true size and hold the high of all the good you say you want.
3 pieces to get curious about
1. Energetics
2. Systems (yours)
3. Self Worth
Unless you have stability in all 3 areas you will not be able to hold what you say you want. And it doesn't mean you have to be stable ALL the time in all areas. Much like attachment theory in terms of parenting (was it John Goodman?) your ability just needs to be "good enough" - you can do this!