Your first house is better than your first love because your first house, unlike your first love, will not leave you. If anything, you are the one who will leave your first house and it will not hold its waist and sneer at you, swearing, "You will never find a better house than me," because even it knows you will easily find a better house than it. Chances are it will be the worst house you will ever live in and the only way from there is up, unless you are Ndugu, then you will love from a terrible house to one that will soon lack mabatis and the door because you are playing hide and seek with your landlord.
My first house was a single room in a dusty town called Soy. Rent was 1500 bob, and only dynasties could afford it. The landlady explained to me that many covet her houses but only few can afford it. "Na ujue deposit pia ni fifteen hundred na deposit ya stima ni mia Tano. Total ni ngapi? Three thousand and five hundred, Unaona hiyo ni mingi sana?"
"Naelewa lakini.."
"Lakini mtu hujikuna afikapo. Kuna zile nyumba on the other side, I think ni mia bili, hiyo utaeza afford!"
I told her I had enough money to buy that house and donate it to the charity of my choice, though in truth I didn't. Only had enough to rent it out, and I did, only for a neighbor to be, mama junior, to come knocking, a leso wrapped around her, ass trembling and shaking, giving me an erection that almost lifted me from the ground but I had to calm down in the name of Jesus! 😂
Ladies. Gents. Ladies that identify as gents and gents that identify as ladies. Gents who are lesbians because they identify as ladies and are into girls. Ladies who are gay because they identify as gents and are into men. Ladies and gents who identify as trees, here is your weekly dose of laughter.
PS: Saturday 18th we are at Baraza Media Lab for our Live Show. Grab a ticket at only 1500 bob, payable through our Till 5620115.
Signed
Top Management
