I felt compelled to talk about this tragic matter today, Christmas Eve, for a specific reason.
Six years ago on Christmas Eve, I heard these words, “You should kill yourself, Yvonne.” I heard those words as clear as day. You should kill yourself, Yvonne. It was Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve when family should be together and happy, but I was married and alone. My family was irreparably torn apart.
I was sitting on the sleeper sofa in my dad’s one-bedroom apartment and I was deeply, and at the time what I thought to be… irrevocably, depressed. I was so far down in a hole of darkness that I couldn’t see anything but black surrounding me. Everything around me was black. I was wallowing in grief, pain, anger, torment, heartache, self-doubt, disgust, guilt, and angst. Everything hurt. My eyelid hurt. My hair hurt. It hurt to think. The pain was so intense, it even hurt to swallow.
Should I? Should I listen to what that voice told me to do? Was my life over because my marriage was? Then the memory of what my now ex-husband said decided to replay in my mind. I heard, “You have 30 days to get your stuff and get out.” I closed my eyes to blot out what I’d just heard and then I heard, “You should kill yourself, Yvonne.”
I’ll share more about what I actually did later in the podcast, so stick around until the end!
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