Welcome to the B-side of Christmas, where the tinsel’s tangled, the canon is questionable, and the Home Alone sequels never stop coming! We start with Tolkien’s elves vs. Santa’s elves (V or no V?), detour into Dudley Moore at the North Pole, hit all six Home Alones (and their continuity crimes), and somehow end up in a cage match between The Grinch, Pee-wee Herman, and Nicolas Cage in Trapped in Paradise!
We’re talking:
- Perfect Strangers tearjerkers that will melt even the Grinch’s heart
- Prehistoric Christmas paradoxes (what was the gift exchange policy in the Jurassic period?)
- Phil Hartman deep cuts that deserve Criterion releases
- Wrestling Santas and their steel-chair stockings
- The Urkel–Sonic–Inspector Gadget Holiday Cinematic Universe (a box set you can’t buy, but you can dream)
Along the way, we ask the hard questions:
- What’s the optimal reindeer-to-sleigh horsepower ratio?
- How many snowmen does it take to pull off a heist?
- Which holiday mascot could win American Gladiators?
- And if you turn the Muppet Christmas Carol soundtrack backwards, will Michael Caine reveal the true meaning of Boxing Day?
It’s festive, it’s fractured, and it’s exactly the kind of holiday chaos you didn’t know you needed—half gift, half regift, all Penny Men!
