Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.
Proverbs 22:6 NIV
When each of my kids joined the family, the nurse assessed the baby and declared, “It’s a beautiful, healthy baby girl or boy!” All the pieces were in place. Four limbs, ten fingers, ten toes, normal everything. Perhaps they should inform the parents differently. “Congratulations! You’ve given birth to a baffling mystery. It is a new combination of your DNA so it may look familiar, but don’t be fooled. It has a hidden personality, unseen giftings, and undeveloped dreams and desires that you must decode through inference and deduction. You get to spend the next twenty years, like a detective, figuring out what makes this little bundle tick. If you fail to customize your parenting to this child’s needs, you might scar him or her for life. Congratulations though. Here’s your baby!”
The physical needs of a child may be more universal, but kids aren’t the same. Their personalities vary so widely it often feels as if you need a new set of keys to unlock each kid’s heart. As they grow and blossom, it becomes more apparent that each child has unique giftings and aptitudes. They think, feel, and relate to the world differently. Fathers must understand how each of their children was created and cultivate their child’s gifts to their full expression. This is challenging, but can also be a lot of fun.
A key metric of success in fatherhood is the degree to which your kids know, understand, and operate in their giftings. Help them explore different kinds of activities and observe how they react to them. When they light up, it is probably a clue that you are getting warmer. Give them experience, tools, and time to gain new skills. It will soon be apparent what they have a talent for and enjoy. Encourage them to develop their aptitudes.
I think that every child should be advanced in one to three skills in their areas of gifting by the time they graduate from the house. That’s eighteen years old, not thirty, so there is no time to waste. I want them to be well ahead of their competition for jobs, a spouse, opportunities, life skill fluency. To achieve this they must understand the strengths and weaknesses of their personality and have years of experience in self-governing their emotions, drives, and decisions. This is a major undertaking for parents. How do you build these skills into your kids? The short, and possibly frustrating answer, is one day at a time. The truth is that cultivating your child’s giftings is fraught with its own dangers, uncertainties, and pitfall.
For now, just understand that the degree to which your children understand themselves and have developed their skills is a key measurement of parenting success.
