Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.
Proverbs 22:6 NIV
A new game began the moment my child was born. I imagined a timer floating over her head. As it ticked off the seconds and minutes I realized how limited my time was. The timer counted down the years, months, and days until launch. I could not pause the clock. As a father, I felt the urgency that the deadline provided. Every kid is a fresh game. We are all playing.
Let me explain how the game works. Player One, the child, observes the people around her and learns the normal ways of acting, thinking, and valuing things. We call these societal norms. They vary from place to place and person to person, sometimes sharply. This introduces choice into the child’s world. Every value system she observes will be considered and tested. Player Two and Three are mom and dad. They are closest to player One and have the first-mover advantage. They draw player One into their value system through the power of their love, provision, and proximity. If all goes well with the game, player One will internalize the value system of Two and Three before the clock runs down to launch.
But wait! It’s not as easy as that. The game has many more players. Every one of them competes with Two and Three to imprint player One with their value system. In chapter two, we discussed many of the more dangerous players in this game. In this book, I refer to them as wolves and they are playing to capture the heart and mind of player One, as well.
Gradually during childhood and adolescence, player One will internalize the value system of someone, but who will win? The countdown begins. Eighteen years. Click. Seventeen years, eleven months, and thirty days. Tick. Tick. Player Three must not be passive in his gameplay. Fathers have a tendency toward passivity when it comes to standing for the truth and leading their families in Biblical choices. We cannot let this continue if we hope to win the heart of Player One.
The methods and strategies we use as parents have a lot to do with the outcome of the game. Remember the parenting styles we discussed? Authoritarian, Permissive, and Uninvolved parents will serve player One into the hands of the wolves by damaging the child/parent bond, allowing the wolves into the house, or leaving an influence vacuum that the other players are happy to fill.
Step one is to be a positive, consistent and reliable example for your kids to observe and identify with. The more they see you following Christ and living with integrity, the more they’ll identify a Biblical life as a safe, healthy, and beneficial way to live. Focus on being a Christ-follower. They will enjoy the fruits of your life and be convinced of its value. Lead them by example. Teach them the value of a Christ-honoring lifestyle. Hopefully, player One will launch into independence with a firm understanding of the way to go.
Then comes the hardest part of the game. When surrounded by a field of opposing players, how will grown children live? Will they fold to the pressures of the world or be strong enough to stand for the truth in a world that despises Christ. How will they live? If kids have internalized a strong value system, they are more likely to resist the influence of the world.
What happens then? The game starts over. Your kids grow, get married, and have kids of their own. If you played the parenting game right, you can influence the lives of your descendants for generations. I hope you are beginning to see how important the father’s job is. I hope that you will embrace fatherhood and send a rich legacy deep into the future.
