The transition from married to married with kids is dramatic for dads. Suddenly, these babies are depending on them, like no one ever has in their life. New dads find themselves being more watchful than before, thinking about the future more. Like the man building a fire at the mouth of his cave, they listen for the howling wolves and prepare to beat them back.
The fledgling guardian inside of me rose to keep watch. It seemed natural and instinctual, but it was a dramatic change. Even as my wife’s God-given nurturing gifts budded during her pregnancy and blossomed at each of our kid’s births, my heart aspired to the guardian’s challenge. I wanted to be a good father. But what did a good father look like? What did he do? How did he do it? Who could I look to for guidance? My mind cast around for answers.
I realized my good fortune. I had two father figures to pattern myself after. Both my biological father and my Heavenly Father provided me with a template for fatherhood. My dad had shown me the balance between firm and caring. (More about Authoritative Parenting later.) He provided for us financially through hard work. He built our family on the strong foundation of Jesus Christ. He broke the patterns of his father’s generation by being emotionally accessible and expressing his love for us often. He had high expectations for our behavior and achievement. He would get down on the floor to play with us. He urged us on to greater levels of maturity, and much more. These models and behaviors were ingrained in me. (Do you remember the moment that you first realized you are becoming like one of your parents? You use the same phrases. Or you use the same hand gestures. Weird, right. This is the same thing.)
Beyond what we learn from our fathers, God the Father is the perfect model for all earthly fathers to mimic. As the parrot imitates human speech, an earthly father can pattern himself after the Heavenly Father as revealed in the Bible. Though any man’s best efforts are indeed poor imitations of the original, he will be nearer for having tried. So, I thought back to Sunday School. I thought back to Bible study. I thought back to a thousand conversations and lessons about God. How had He dealt with mankind? I began to synthesize all the stories I had learned through a new filter, the father filter. God the Father had modeled fatherhood, a perfect balance of justice, love, and mercy. I had the model. Could I live out those same principles? Did I have it in me?
For those of you who did not have a father who ingrained these Biblical principles in your heart, don’t worry. And don’t stop reading. In this chapter, I will tell you how to begin. As you work through the concepts in this book, you will find that the characteristics and priorities of a father are simple to understand. Once you learn them, you can put them into practice and step up in your kids’ lives.
