Safety, security, and stability are the most important life goals for many people. My wife is no exception to this rule. The good/bad circuit breaker in her head, by which my life becomes tolerable or miserable, is flipped by these three factors more than anything else. She craves normalcy and control. She hates risk and uncertainty. While this doesn’t mesh well with my personality in general, I understand why they are important to her. As her husband, I am in a unique position to meet these needs for my wife. The more I can provide safety, security, and stability, the better she can cope with the other aspects of life. That’s the main reason she married me, I think. That and kids. So, I do my best to be dependable.
When life becomes unpredictable, as it is prone to do, I must be the one she can lean on. I must be her gravitational constant. That is a lot of pressure sometimes, but it is something only I can do for her. I provide consistency in the home so she can flourish. From her health, the family can thrive. The aforementioned kids. They need the same thing from me that my wife needs, a stable home. It is worthwhile work to provide this for them, even if it means I must forgo personal prerogatives.
The desire to nurture life is usually more innate in women. It gives them an advantage when it comes to parenting. By the time they’ve carried the babe for nine months, mothers are often so fiercely bonded with their child that the trials of motherhood are balanced by a great affinity. They trade their comfort, sleep, and lifestyle for the crying and pooping machine they birthed. Many women instinctively lean into having children.
It is not usually the same for men. Many men do not naturally crave fatherhood, at least in my experience. More often than not a man must calculate the value of becoming a dad and choose to embrace it. He will be happier for doing so, but it is a matter of willpower and sacrificial choices. Most men do not easily commit themselves to fatherhood. They prioritize other things that are more appealing at the moment. Our nation’s families suffer and crumble in a drought of intentional fathers. I hope this book can spark some men to move back toward their families. I hope it motivates you.
Men are well-designed to provide safety, security, and stability to their families. What would this nation look like if men began to serve and sacrifice for their families? Would wives and kids feel more secure? Would voters keep begging the government to step into the vacuum left by absent fathers? No, I believe that if men were doing their jobs, government officials would offer, “I’ve got a new program that is guaranteed to protect you and your family from XYZ,” and the women voters would reply, “No thanks, I’ve got a good man. We don’t need you.” Big government thrives on citizens who value a false sense of security over basic freedom. Unstable and fatherless homes create a dearth of safety, security, and stability. When men don’t do their job, people seek security elsewhere.
