This episode is a work of catharsis. An attempt to understand the loss of a family member who’d been with Hallease and me since we first married. The family member just so happened to be a dog, which many will say trivializes my grief. You may believe what you’d like, but the heart does not know the difference when something or someone leaves your life. It just feels the vacuum of love, and the pain flows just the same.
In September of 2021, amidst a global year of pain and uncertainty, our dog Dakota yielded to the ravages of time. She was an old, dazzling soul, and it was just her time.
She came down with vestibular disease, a benign name that distances the disturbing symptoms that dogs elicit. It’s an old dog’s disease and idiopathic, meaning the exact cause is not well understood. She cocked her head to her left side, her eyes darted back and forth in lateral drift, and she vomited viciously.
Meds alleviated symptoms somewhat, but she couldn’t stand on her own, and Hallease and I had to cart her to and from the apartment to void her bowels and bladder. She would only eat when hand-fed, and she soon stopped drinking. Eventually, she lost control of her bladder, and we acquiesced to the writing on the wall.
If you'd like to see some photos and videos of Dakota (because we have many) head over to @hdte.mp3 on Instagram. I'll post some there.
I wrote about the experience, hoping it would start the healing. I give thanks that I could process the loss in such a way and create something that I feel is deeply beautiful and resonates with my understanding of the world.
I want nothing but love for each and every one of you. If you’ve known pain or loss since the start of the pandemic, know that you are not alone. Though I have serious reservations about the moral failings of humanity as a whole, our most outstanding achievement is the relationships that we form and maintain. Though loss and pain feel like they will pull you apart. When you are stretched that thin, the bonds, friendships, and love that connects you to other people will be visible. They will strain, but they will not yield.
This episode is called “Autumn Seeds Take Root in Winter.”
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CREDITS AND ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
How Does This End? is a StumbleWell Production with original written works by Christopher Narvaez. This episode was recorded and edited by Christopher Narvaez with the final soundcheck by Hallease Narvaez. Our cover art for season 2 is designed by Edgar Lushaju, check out his work on Instagram @drawhapa. The music is from Epidemic Sound. Try it out for free on your next project: http://share.epidemicsound.com/s8W7c
