When is acceptance a strength, and when is it merely deferment as a version of avoidance?
Acceptance is a complex concept that often gets casually thrown around in recovery circles. Many of us memorize the Serenity Prayer early on in our process, and this drills into our minds the idea of “Accepting the things we cannot change.”
This conversation brings up questions like, What is and is not my responsibility to change or take on? What am I reasonably expected to just tolerate? When is discomfort(or even suffering) a mechanism of my growth and healing, and when is it destructive? Is it more important to change the internal or external environment? What is the value(or usefulness) of struggle and suffering in our sobriety journeys and overall growth?
What is the cost of non-acceptance? When do we accept, or tolerate, or work to change our situations? What is our tolerance for misery?
Rhys and special guest Jeremy Jones tackle a more philosophical concept, and look for the practical applications.
We talk about how change is difficult. But then again, not-change is also difficult.
Pain and suffering can be grouped as shades of discomfort. We talk about seeking pleasure and ease versus seeking health and connection.
In addressing the pain, we raise questions like, “Are we more interested in process or outcome?” Are we thinking, “I just want to be happy and sober,” or “I want to be a holy and virtuous person”?
We discuss how there is an unhealthy way of acceptance that is more like giving up and taking a passive approach to life, that can also be done as a means of self-punishment, or an expression of low self-worth. But we also talk about a healthy acceptance that is an embracing of reality. We value striving to be actively present. Embracing what is without judgment. Sometimes that IS needs to stay the same, and sometimes it needs to change. In either case, though, another thing that IS is the deep well of strength that exists within each human being.
We talked about how, even when a situation seems unchangeable, to still look for what choice there is.
Jeremy introduced the practice Death Meditations, which are meant to help us offer open-hearted curiosity towards that most unchangeable reality that every human faces…that someday we all die.
Rhys thinks that external change matters more in early stages of healing/recovery, and uses analogy of injured or new tree being offered a fence while it grows. He references the tree “firmly planted by living water.” Having a healthy environment early on is helpful so one does not become overwhelmed. So things like new living situation, new job, new relationships, makes more sense here.
At some point though, the healing organism develops its own strength, and can withstand greater forces. At some point the tree that would have been destroyed by storm wind is actually strengthened by it. At some point, the growing person becomes able to use adversity for their own character growth/spiritual growth, etc.
Jeremy closes this episode with a beautiful mindfulness exercise.
To learn how to support the podcast, please visit www.patreon.com/outercircle. Consider supporting this work with your dollars, but definitely rate, review, and share the show with a friend!
Rhys can be found at www.newpatterncounseling.com and on instagram at @newpatterncounseling
Jeremy can be found at www.thinkingaboutthoughtscounseling.com
We’d love to hear from you!
#recovery #recoverywork #sobriety #addiction #acceptance #serenityprayer #existential #deathanxiety #orthodoxy #orthodoxchristianity #mentalhealth #therapy #counseling #outercircleinnerstillness #newpatterncounseling #thinkingaboutthoughts
