In the course of recovery from patterns of compulsive sexual behavior, many people recognize a need to take the work beyond merely avoiding erotic imagery, but also work to master erotic thoughts. We experience urges, at times very intrusive urges to sexualize other humans, and we have a desire to stop doing this.
It’s a monumental task! How do we do it?
Attack! Avoid! Ignore the urges! That will make them go away….right?
WRONG!
In this, most personal interview yet, Rhys interviews Drew Boa, fellow counselor, podcaster, and Christian in recovery about tackling this most deeply engrained pattern of reflexive thought.
With references to the Internal Family Systems model of therapy, we recognize urges to sexualize as being but a part of the person’s whole consciousness. A Sexualizer Part.
Drew says even the sexualizer parts need nurture. As we talk about things we’re deeply ashamed of, and yet get aroused by, there’s a part of us that needs to be loved, needs to be nurtured.
Rhys says that self-control isn’t always healing, and can in fact be a way of avoiding feeling feelings, which is a way of avoiding deeper healing work.
Drew makes the bold statement that if you never have an orgasm again, you’ll be fine…but “intimacy is a biological imperative. Without connection, we die.”
We agree that, “We need to distinguish between attractions and desires.” Desires are particularly connected to our stories of suffering.
On the fly, Rhys and Drew take a deep dive, first into Drew’s trauma history, and then into Rhys’s current day inner struggles, bringing out some very vulnerable and formative memories. Together, they reflect on insights gained, and current practices for offering compassion back to their younger and inner selves.
Drew points out that, “Our deepest desires reflect how we have most deeply suffered.”
For more information about any of these topics or guests, or to learn how to support this podcast, please visit https://www.patreon.com/outercircle
Rhys Pasimio can be found through www.newpatterncounseling.com, and is always happy to dialogue with listeners bringing honest questions!
Drew Boa can be found through https://www.husbandmaterial.com/ , and his curriculum, the Sexual Fantasy Framework, can be found here, https://www.unwantedworkbook.com/videos
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