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Did you know that you can protect your peace?

Have you ever been in the store and seen Little toddlers throwing the biggest fit while the parent carried on as though nothing was happening?

If you’re like me, you’ve probably muttered to yourself, “I know that lady sees that little boy destroying the entire rack of pasta noodles!”

This thing has literally always puzzled me!

Ok. Fast forward to yesterday! I tell my 3 friends in our group chat that someone responded to an email I sent (reply all) intending to get a reaction out of me. I give a little context and then one of my faithful friends texts the following sentence:

“In behavior therapy, we have a tactic called “planned ignoring. Not to be confused with planned ignorance.”

Being the young scholar that I am, the term piqued my interest and I spent the next 20 minutes sitting in my car watching YouTube videos about this tactic.

The procedure of planned ignoring involves deliberate parental inattention to the occurrence of target child behaviors. In other words, parents identify behaviors that function as a means of getting their attention and selectively ignore them.

Okay, then what is extinction?

Planned ignoring is one the simplest types of extinction procedures. The term extinction refers to discontinuing rewarding a behavior that has previously been rewarded. Extinction is an intervention strategy that has been widely shown to be effective in reducing rates of inappropriate behaviors in children.

SO NATURALLY, I WANT TO ENGAGE THIS PRACTICE WITH ADULTS.

Some people move through the world manifesting their insecurities. They will attach certain insecurities to your being if they feel threatened.

So their behavior towards you is not always a reflection of what you have done or said, but who you are.

Therefore, that recenters how we should respond.

Planned ignoring is supposed to end the practice of rewarding bad behavior. Critics argue if it is the best strategy. What I unequivocally agree with that

1. You can ignore behavior without ignoring the person.
2. We have to give the same energy to reinforcing replacement behavior.
3. “How” you ignore can be as equally damaging as how you respond.

At the end of the day, planned ignoring is less about the person and their behavior but more about how you respond to behavior when you have the power to reinforce better behavior through your own discipline.

Here are the three takeaways for me from the Bible.

1. Process how you internalize the behavior by managing your response time. You may not be able to ignore the behavior. Listen up!

James 1:19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:

1. Get your thoughts under control. Get to a place of peace before you join the other person where they want you to be. Prompt: when I’m triggered, what emotions do I feel and how do I manage them through my thoughts: Philippians 4:8, KJV: "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

Proverbs 3:5-7

King James Version

5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.