Reconciliation and Complete Resolution when Sinned Against
David W Palmer
Yesterday, we looked at how Jesus instructs us to bring reconciliation and resolution when we have sinned against someone else. Today, we look at what God says to do when we are the victims of someone else’s sin. But first, as foundation, we remember:
(Romans 5:8 NLT) But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.
If another person sins against us, God becomes our example in how to deal with it. His love in us for them creates an objective for complete reconciliation to full and unhindered fellowship. But how do we go about restoring it?
First, to be like God, we should assume responsibility and use our initiative to pay for the wrong committed by the other person. In other words, like God, we should do everything in our power that can open the way for forgiveness and reconciliation. Jesus came to earth to seek and save the lost and then to die for them; we should go, fix, repair, restore, make the effort, communicate, and do whatever we can to remove any vestige of any reason for unforgiveness. Even if—like the necessity for Jesus to die on the cross—we have to sacrifice much in this process, we must do what we can to open the way for restoration.
For example, look at how the apostle Paul took initiative and made personal sacrifice to open the way for reconciliation between two estranged brothers, Philemon and Onesimus:
(Philemon 1:17–19 NLT) “So if you consider me your partner, welcome him as you would welcome me. {18} If he has wronged you in any way or owes you anything, charge it to me. {19} I, Paul, write this with my own hand: I will repay it. And I won’t mention that you owe me your very soul!”
Before trying to make any restoration, we should also ensure we meet the Holy Spirit’s requirements to be spiritual, focused on God, mindful that Jesus has paid for all sin, and to have a clean heart in the matter:
(Galatians 6:1–2 NKJV) “Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. {2} Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
Once we have cleaned our heart, set the groundwork, made the sacrifice, and offered to pay; next, we follow Jesus’s prescription:
(Luke 17:3 NKJV) “Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.”
If you obey this, and if the brother does repent to you, you forgive him and that’s the end of the matter. You forget. If he repeats the sin, approach it as if he never did it before. You do this, because if he repents and you forgive him—on the basis of his verbal repentance alone—you need to forget it. We need to disremember it to the extent that if he ever does it again, to fulfill your commitment to forget, you simply refuse to act or speak as though he ever did it before. How many times should this be repeated? … in a single day? Let’s look at Jesus’s answer to this:
(Luke 17:4 NKJV) “And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.”
In this process—praying, paying, forgiving, forgetting, staying pure hearted, etc.—it seems that the one seeking reconciliation is assuming the responsibility and doing most of the work. This is true, and it’s what makes us like God. He sees in this process that you are acting like him, being his true son or daughter. He did it; so we do it too.
So far, this all works if the guilty person with whom you seek reconciliation responds to your “rebuke” over their sin and seeks forgiveness. What do we do if they don’t respond to it positively?
(Matthew 18:15–17 NKJV) “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. {16} But if he will not hear, ta
