Wives Loving Husbands
David W Palmer
(Ephesians 5:33 NLT) “So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
As we have seen, the first instruction (in Ephesians) was for husbands to love and wives to respect. Does this mean that wives aren’t supposed to love their husbands? Perhaps the Holy Spirit doesn’t emphasize this in Ephesians, because it seems obvious to a woman that she is supposed to love him. However, later in God’s word, He mentions it specifically:
(Titus 2:4 NKJV) that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children.
Here, God’s word specifically says that women are to “love their husbands.” So both spouses have this as a directive from God. But in Ephesians, women are specifically instructed to submit; and husbands are specifically commanded to love as Christ loved the church— “and gave himself for her” (Eph. 5:25 NKJV).
(Obviously, at times a husband may need to—or be very wise to—submit to his wife. For example, if he is helping her while she is cooking and she tells him what she wants done; he will submit, and vice versa. Or, in my case, if I am setting up Rosanna’s music equipment for her, she may tell me how she would like it placed; I happily submit, etc.)
In an English translation of the Aramaic original, we clearly see both aspects of God’s command to wives—love and submission/obedience:
(Titus 2:4–5 APE) And chasten those who are young women to love their husbands and their children, And to be chaste (pure) and holy, taking good care of their households and obeying their husbands, lest anyone blaspheme the word of God. (Parenthesis mine.)
So here we see both commands for wives: “love their husbands,” “obeying their husbands.” Then in Colossians, we see the command to husbands again:
(Colossians 3:19 NKJV) Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
Being Jesus’s Representative in Marriage
In a wider context in a different translation:
(Colossians 3:17–19 NLT) And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father. {18} Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. {19} Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.
(Colossians 3:20, 22 CSB) Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. ... {22} Slaves, obey your human masters in everything. Don’t work only while being watched, as people-pleasers, but work wholeheartedly, fearing the Lord.
In this passage, the Holy Spirit summarizes what he was saying in Ephesians—love, and God’s plan of submission in families and workplaces. However, the opening verse gives us the reason for this very powerfully from God’s perspective: “Whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus.” Then he concludes the passage about love and submission thus: “Whatever you do, do it from the heart, as something done for the Lord and not for people” (Col. 3:23 CSB).
Without doubt, the Holy Spirit wants us to have Jesus at the center of our marriages, and to live out the love/submission role in obedience to him; he is Lord. And he wants us to lay down our independent self-life to allow Jesus to live through us, and thus to do everything—including marriage—as his representatives and servants:
(Romans 1:1 NKJV) “Paul, a bondservant of Jesus Christ, called to be an apostle, separated to the gospel of God.”
(Galatians 2:20 NKJV) “I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”
(Ecclesiastes 4:12 NLT) A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.
The whole concept of marriage and how God wants it to function has many benefits: it’s fun for the spouses,
