I'm feeling a little bit under the weather so i'll see if i can talk to myself today or not playing with my little DNA tangler I don't know if you've ever seen one of these but I saw it one time and I just had to buy it even though I don't really think I need it but it's kind of fun supposed to help people with fidgety propensity I developed my first anti-suicide kit for those who feel like they might lose control and do it even though they actually don't want to feel like in my case I don't want to and it came across a video of this girl on YouTube and she said she woke up with all of her sleeping pills and the her bubble pack popped out into a vial and she doesn't remember doing that so she's actually afraid of her own self killing her and she wouldn't remember now I'm kind of afraid in that way too but mhm mine is usually more like I like pop out of bed and think I have to kill myself and I'm actually kind of like running around like that so this way i would grab my kit and then fastened myself to say my bedpost with my phone nearby so i can keep myself safe until help comes and so I have it's just a zap strap and for seroquel and I could take two seroquel or I could decide to take four and four is not going to kill me but it's really gonna knock me out and the zap strap is 16 inches so it's not long enough to like hang myself with because that's the thing this little intervention can work for one or against one so if I really wanted to die and I want to swallow entire bunch of pills and then fasten myself so I couldn't call for help then I would be dead for sure but this is supposed to be designed for those of us who actually want to live it's this will help keep people that really want to kill themselves kill themselves for sure and I'll help people that really don't want to kill themselves not themselves so it's a sort of a pro-choice thing and and I don't want to kill myself so that's why I carry this now in my purse I used to have just the Zap strap in there but I thought of the idea to put the Zap strap with the seroquel so i don't have to grab the entire bottle of seroquel i can just grab this and that's it and i even thought of the idea of putting some kind of like hydration pill in here to keep one hydrated because they say you can last three days without water so the hydration pill would make a person be able to last a few days if by chance i fastened myself but wasn't able to grab my phone for some reason i would at least maybe be alive long enough to not be dead by virtue of just being there sort of laying there rotting and the thing too is part of me feels like once I'm fastened I might actually just like breathe it out for a while actually go through the experience and and just let my body stay still and not be so freaked out by it well I would be freaked out by it but i would i would stay still and let the inner experience happen somewhat because i already did that one time even though i wasn't planning on it and it was a really weird experience but that's the one thing that's another thing i might actually i might be losing my voice I don't even know maybe I talked too much the other day two days ago I made maybe like three hours or the video and so it's it's odd that someday I could talk for like three hours of video then other days I can't say anything I think yesterday I tried to make a video and I was going to try and do another couple hours maybe but i stopped at 20 minutes and I was just like lit and yesterday i wrote the Mensa test just for fun and I really don't think I pass but it was kind of fun actually just to sit there like did a bit pizza and it would be kind of funny I don't think my brain works that way new anymore anyway but it's just kind of funny and yesterday too I did a longer session of tre drama and tension releasing exercises and i bought the app so i followed the videos and i did the exercises and then I did the trauma releasing exercise and and it really did something I don't kno
