this is my office and it's kind of messy but where it was before my upstairs neighbor star watching TV and I can hear it through the floor and it's kind of distracting I'm gonna go over some of things I wrote down in the last while and one of the things I wrote down is lose your mind to gain the universal mind and that is again that when the ego starts to break down and get scrambled we get into greater contact with the universal mind and it's somewhat the collective mind of humanity and that's why we can have access to information overload and other things that we feel we know that we shouldn't be able to know and just things that aren't a regular everyday ego consciousness so I feel like those states are actually symptoms of oneness not symptoms of personal mental illness we're starting to feel like we're one and it's difficult to to act and behave when we're perceiving things that aren't felt as us but it's felt as us we know it's from somewhere else it's not our normal feeling state so I feel like it's partly because we are what arises as us in relationship so it's not the ego with its defenses and delineation is keeping us separate but we arise as relationship and we're trying to act based on the arising of that relationship which could be the truth of that relationship if it's with someone we know then it can be quite strenuous because we can actually sense the energy of us in that state plus their energy and it's confusing so we act out of character because our characters what keeps us in consistency a new memes and new weems are technically sort of like hallucinations and delusions but I feel we can hallucinate a better reality we can hallucinate a better reality into existence and I was thinking too that the aliens are us and they're dreaming of the day when they were still human beings on earth and didn't destroy all the complexity didn't turn into these ubiquitous creatures that all look the same and I thought of a little thing thrive dive and revive for bipolar disposition because I feel like I can thrive for a certain period of time and I might go for a little bit of a dive but then I get revived and it's not too and I wouldn't want to not thrive to avoid the dive and I thought about the term fearless and I want to transform that I want to do one of my word transformations then turn fearless into love more not fear less and I had a realization that language is a living thing it wants to evolve and we get caught in these language structures and we're caught by our own voice in our own head keeping us in a prison of sound and preventing us from seeing beyond our own conceptualizations and I thought of that in terms of how most people that go into mania really connects with language in that they feel like their poets are their wrappers and I felt like a rapper at one point and its really playing with language in order to create and in order to learn and to learn about the language structure and the underlying meaning and the implicit bits that we don't necessarily hear or know about when we just use it in a regular daily basis when we get a grasp of it beyond daily use we can actually start to play with language and create language and we are language and sound machines why don't we create language just like we create anything else and part of this too is to create context which is really evolving the language that we use to describe these experiences our current language induces fear it's i vs you + with these weems that i'm trying to create or memes some of them are memes but whatever one's resonate maybe they become weems that become something that we would think together at the same time and that's more powerful than thinking about oneself in one's own voice in one's own head and I realized the first time I was in manic consciousness I could see language in this way and I was trying to create new language not a completely new language but just additions to language or transformations I think partly it needs to
