so I turned back on my insight machine in my brain and I've been having a lot of insights and they might be a little bit random and disjointed but I feel like just getting some of them on video because I can't keep up in a way just keep coming and I keep they just keep channeling through me and I have no idea of their of any value I actually have this theory about myself about how when I have an idea or something that I think oh yeah i really want to bring that into my life it usually takes about two years for it to appear and I realized that about two years ago I went to some kind of Health Expo and I spoke with someone and I talked about how I wanted to create a video blog to sort of integrate stuff that from the past and whatever I thought of at the time and lo and behold about two years later I am indeed doing that and another thing too is sometimes I would buy stuff and I'd be I wouldn't use it and then two years later I think oh I need that for exactly what it is I need to do right now so I would sort of bite things two years in advance and that can work against me in certain ways because if it's something technological then some no value two years later really for the most part but actually since I got my very first iphone about six years ago I've pretty much had nearly every model of the iphone skipping a few and some of them i actually purchased because i was in that manic consciousness so I I had an iphone but I got the next one and so I had to and whatever but this is the first time that because i always think line I need the faster one or something this is the first time I'm actually really putting it to use because the 6s plus I can make the videos on and I can also edit the videos and post the video so i can do it all on this device whereas if I still had my last one which was the 5c or something then that would have been impossible so I feel like now the technology is really an extension of what it is I'm trying to create so I went into debt to get this thing and but it's been worth it at the same time because I've been able to utilize its creative potential and that was nothing that I even wrote down today but so i'll just start in on this i was thinking about stigma and i was thinking about how there's a lot of talk about people are afraid of the stigma so they don't get help and when I really think about stigma I think a person is sort of detaching from their ego or being confused or depressed basically a person's no longer being consistent and that's not the whole of it obviously but I was just thinking about how human beings have a tendency to try to be consistent above all else and the consistency in a way is the ego so over time we're trying to be consistent try to be consistent and and always tensing up to try to adjust ourselves to how we've typically been in the past and how we want to be seen and an even some of how we were the past maybe we get we start to mask that with how we want to be seen so we create this image of ourselves inside that we're trying to live up to and one of the troubles with that is that were not that image that's not who we are and often times that images in contradiction to who we are and then so if a person is going into a state where they're no longer feeling like they can be consistent because they're say for example depressed or anxious it's almost maybe depressions that one is sad because one has become so consistently far away from who one is and that can be felt as depression because there's this image we've built of ourselves and we think that's who we are and then we're depressed because we're not who we are and that image of ourselves that we think we are really sucks it's accumulated not responding as ourselves over time so it's an adjustment and so when that accumulates over time to the point where say somebody like in my case goes into psychosis now that's a person being not consistent and there's nothing one can do about it so in a way that a person is usually
