In this episode, I talk to Heather about her life journey that includes years of addiction, facing a past of sexual abuse, and learning to face and work through those trials. In her words: “My name is Heather Kesslak. I am a survivor of childhood mental, physical, and sexual abuse. In the year 2020, I had an epic breakdown. Covid struck, my daughter was in 1st grade, I was in the middle of an experimental dry month, and I had NO idea that my next 2 years would be absolutely life changing. I lived my ENTIRE life in addiction. It started with food. It moved into cigarettes, alcohol, shopping, exercise, diet...I’m sure I’m forgetting something. ANYTHING I tried; I became addicted to. It’s why I never tried hard drugs. If I had, you wouldn’t be reading this. In February 2020, with little acceptance or awareness that Covid was coming HERE, I planned an experimental dry month. I didn’t admit that I was an alcoholic. I would just say I was doing it to get healthier. Oddly, I was also in an experimental stage of really looking at my emotional eating (it was straight up addictive eating, but that’s beside the point). March 13 was the Covid bomb. I did NOT start drinking again. Instead, in my state of absolute terror, I panicked. Literally. I had my first panic attack (I would have 5-6 over the course of the year) while I was bathing my daughter. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t stuffing my trauma with addictions. I wasn’t emotionally eating because I was too terrified to breathe, let alone eat. I wasn’t getting my normal suppression from my addictions, so guess what... They came to the surface. And with a terrifying VENGEANCE. I remembered my childhood sexual abuse for the first time in 46 years. I suppressed it my entire life with addictions. I had no idea, except for the ONE event that I knew about and pretended my whole life didn’t happen. Over the course of these 2 years, I have sought coaching and spiritual education that has assisted me in EVERY quantum leap that I have achieved. And I’ve achieved a lot of them. Prior to 2020, I didn’t believe in anything. I was too clouded in my addictions to SEE or really understand the need for spirituality in my life. I was raised Catholic, and like most indoctrinated souls, I leaned FAR out of it once I had the freedom to do so. I didn’t believe in anything. I just floated through life. I had no connection to my guides, my guardian angels, my soul team, God, Jesus, or anything that resembled spirituality. I was angry, I was scared, I was lonely, I was insecure, I was self-loathing, I was self-destructive and any other self-deprecating thing you can think of. If it included hating myself, treating myself badly, abusing myself, or sabotaging my success...you better believe I took part in all of it. I kept people in my life who mirrored the disdain I had for myself. They didn’t like themselves either. It’s why I kept them around. I needed to feed my story, and so... there they stayed. Until I cleared them out of my life. And I did... swiftly, with intention and purpose and no regrets. Until I reached far back to that original soul that lied inside me all this time, I would never heal and I knew it. So I made HUGE changes. Now I care for the beautiful child who exists within me. She knows how much she is loved. She is supported. She is guided. She is free.”
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