On today’s show:
“6–7” is Satanic Now
Tim dives into the extremely online Christian meltdown over kids chanting “6-7” from a dumb TikTok meme. Somehow this turns into a conspiracy web involving Greek gods, vaccines, Trump, homosexuality, slot machines, 666 vs 777, ICE, and the usual “won’t someone think of the children” panic.
Mead Skelton: From Pretty Boy to Lesbian Aunt
Mead posts “How Being on the Internet Since Young Adulthood Destroyed My Life,” blames self-promo message-board shenanigans for tanking his career, insists he’s probably on the Epstein list, and casually drops that “minors were after” him. Tim fact-checks the fantasy, mocks his old-lady glasses, and immortalizes the line: “I look like a lesbian.”
Tonetta’s Force-Fed Story
Beloved weirdo Tonetta recalls being “force-fed” cock until he had to swallow… then admits it actually tasted pretty good. Tim tries to balance the horrific assault description with the fact that Tonetta is clearly still very into cum.
Stacey Kennison vs Sandra Bullock & Diane Lane
Our favorite unstable queen returns, now claiming Diane Lane is blaspheming her Holy Spirit on her “bare genitalium,” orchestrating rape and immolation plots to secure peace in the Middle East, and risking an ex parte order if she doesn’t knock it off. Tim helpfully notes we’ve basically heard this exact script before—just swap in Sandra Bullock.
“We Are All Abusers” (and Also Terrible at Songwriting)
Tim spotlights Ava Via Music, who lives in an RV, makes Very Important TikTok Songs about narcissists, and turns a family meltdown over a baby shower game into an off-key spoken-word therapy session. Phones, self-care culture, and TikTok “therapists” all catch strays.
News: McLaren Brat Busted in Miami
TikTok/YT pest Jack Doherty, previously seen hydroplaning and annihilating his $200k McLaren on livestream while barely checking the road, gets popped in Miami Beach for blocking traffic to film content, plus possession of a Schedule II amphetamine and weed. Tim revisits the glorious crash footage and marvels at how little these people care about their bleeding friends versus their camera angle.
News: DUI Piss Can Disaster
In Montana, a man with multiple prior DUIs rear-ends a Volkswagen while trying to pee into an empty Budweiser can on the interstate. Shockingly, his license is suspended, his clothes are soaked in booze and piss, and his BAC is over three times the legal limit. Tim, as a veteran of emergency-roadside pissing, breaks down the physics of splashback and why bottles > cans.
Voicemails & Texts
A bi listener gets caught watching hardcore gay porn by his girlfriend and muses on how different it’d be in a gay relationship.
More disturbing agreement with resident pedophile character Galileo’s takes on women/bank accounts & divorce (Tim slaps that down with Actual Basic History).
A caller explains Nazi “race tier lists” and why Eastern Europeans used to be considered subhuman even compared to Africans/Indians.
Fake Puerto Rican Fat Man calls in with holiday greetings.
Tim recounts finally getting what he’s always wanted: unsolicited listener dick video via the 4HAIRYCUNT text line. First listener to show hole still qualifies for a DV shirt, allegedly.
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