On Today's Show:
Listener voicemail: A DV “bloody tampon” story got played during an NYU class for a creative-writing analysis. The prof called it “well-written,” everyone else gagged. 🩸📚
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Listener Sponsor: Raphael (again!)—this time with the correct link. Mission: highlight “Hood Legend D,” the shirtless “gourmet” with the eternal low-battery smoke alarm.
Feature: @tismala_hoodlegend_d (reads as tismala_hoodlegend_d) and his “gourmet” builds:
Chef Boyardee ravioli → rice → eggs = “S-plus gourmet.”
“Red pea soup” that is… clearly canned baked beans on a plate.
Grand claims: “Deal diabetes. Cure cancer.”
DV Bits: Low-battery smoke alarm detector mode; shirtless “industrial kitchen” critique; wheeze-and-moan supercut a.k.a. Obesity Express: choo-choo to congestive heart failure.
Links: Creator profile & a couple “gourmet” clips (see episode post).
Patricia Henson phones in from rehab; working on leg strength and mobility, doing better, hopes to go home when cleared. No Craigslist personals… for now.
Bodycam moment: Bald white woman (single giant hoop earring) at booking threatens to pee during photo—then does.
Officers warn; she answers with repeated slurs and “white n-----” riffs while watering the red line.
DV Note: The whole show is a trigger warning, but… consider yourself warned.
Now in a group home; calls 911 for directions to the station to file a complaint about the police.
Claims crossing streets is unsafe “because disability.” Nearly gets hit mid-call.
Classic Andy: Wants help exactly the way he wants it—or everyone’s violating his rights.
Outside a theater: A self-proclaimed “divine wife” lunges for Keanu’s car door.
Security takes her down; Keanu wheels away. DV diagnosis: celebrity worship + tackle physics.
The internet’s least fun anthropology class: Nick declares Ukrainians aren’t white, so by that logic… Italians aren’t either.
DV counters: If Ukrainians “aren’t white,” neither is Fuentes. Also: deportation tangent speedrun → Israel → nothing answered.
AI Gun Detector vs. Doritos Bag (Baltimore Co.)
School’s OmniLert AI flags a folded Doritos bag as a gun; cops arrive with weapons drawn on Taki Allen (16).
“Rapid human verification” somehow misses the nacho dust. Counseling offered; trust eroded.
Hunky Murderer, Hentai Cards, & World Travel
Luigi Mangione (charged in the UnitedHealthcare CEO shooting) backpacked Japan/Thailand/India in spring ’24 to “zen out.”
Allegedly joked about paying a Yakuza boss for a prostitute with NSFW Pokémon cards.
DV dives into the surprisingly busy market for “adult Pokémon” cards (lots of Misty; distressing lack of anatomically enhanced Squirtle).
Mangione pled not guilty; feds seeking the death penalty on top count.
Gym Rat PSA: If you need your chair’s armrests to stand, start squatting. Tim’s studio layout now gives him room to roll without shimming.
Windows Vista Nostalgia: One freak had flawless Vista (Professional). Tim’s Walmart special (Home) made audio gear cry.
Are Argentinians White? Caller asks where they land. Tim: Google image roulette suggests “all of the above.” Pending: Lord Douche geopolitical race taxonomy.
YouTube: Wheel of Misery spins & video snippets are back. youtube.com/@DVdaily (link in episode post).
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Sponsor an Episode: $25 via PayPal (note what you want Tim to cover):
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Discord: Free freak hangout—invite link on distortedview.com.
Mail Tim Weird Stuff: Distorted View, PO Box 36268, Cincinnati, OH 45236.
