🎙️ Distorted View Daily: June 30th, 2025
Episode Title: 🚢 Poop Cruise: The Shitstorm That Launched a Thousand Vacation Dreams
Tags: Carnival Cruise Disaster, Poop Bags, Haunt Nuts, AI Metal Music, Prime Minister Dick Wars, Murderous 10-Year-Olds
🚨 Poopocalypse Now! The “Trainwreck Poop Cruise” documentary inspires Lord Douche to consider another cruise. Tim recounts the floating sewage nightmare that was Carnival Triumph.
💩 Shit Lasagna: We relive the day toilets failed, poop bags were distributed, and layer-caked feces rose to glory.
🛏️ Cruising with Lesbians: Lord Douche's stint on a gay cruise (employed, not bred) and Tim's horror at possibly joining the high-seas bingo crowd.
🎸 Mead Goes Metal: AI transforms Mead Skelton’s most problematic songs into heavy metal bangers. “Sweet Tea,” “Black Lives Matter,” and “Pervert Marriage” get the face-melting treatment.
🏫 Murderous Tweens: A group of 10-year-old girls in Arizona plot to stab a classmate to death—complete with suicide note, roles, and rubber gloves. What could go wrong?
🧛 Truck Nutz of the Damned: Haunt Nuts debut at the East Coast Haunters Convention. Get your Frank's Nuts & Bolts and Count Sacula accessories now!
🐍 Prime Minister offers to prove he’s uncut during a religious dick-measuring contest. (Yes, that actually happened.)
🛐 Armenian Church drama escalates into a penile purity pissing match.
🤕 Tim’s mom fell and had to be rescued, prompting hoarder roommate revelations and bizarre seed-saving logic.
📞 Your voicemails: Hoarders, Mormon prayers, and what Meade may have learned in the Boy Scouts (hint: trauma).
“As soon as I saw the red bags, I was like, oh no. Oh no.”
– A very constipated cruise passenger
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