On Today's Show:
💥 When your work nickname is Mr. Pedophile, it might be time for a new profession… or, you know, prison.
💊 A redneck meltdown at CVS: “Only queer pharmacists give out gel caps!” Real men take tablets, apparently.
🎮 Nintendo nerds discover a controller pairing sound and lose their collective minds. (It’s just beeps, you virgins.)
🧠 TikTok Munchausen Update™: Deaf, autistic, Hispanic, Jewish… and now, wheelchair-bound! Collect 'em all!
💡 Dating for Smash Bros. fans—what could possibly go wrong? (Spoiler: Nintendo lawyers happened.)
🚗 Drunk woman stuck in a ditch refuses to give up, flees, and becomes an accidental NASCAR driver before the cops smash her window and learn her name is... Awesome Blossom.
✝️ Jesus vs. Satan slam poetry
🎶 A soulful ballad about anime girls and their “big fat tits”
🎵 The unofficial Wii Shop theme remix that may or may not land Tim in IP jail
👮 Police bodycam insanity featuring a screeching, confused DUI suspect who may or may not work for the police department herself.
🐷 A massage parlor in Florida lives up to every sleazy stereotype and then some. Customers walked in for a back rub and walked out molested.
🐷 Pig Norm update! He’s still alive, still suckling from tit cups, and still being the hero we don’t deserve.
🎁 A mysterious package is en route to Tim’s P.O. Box
🏠 Listeners buy houses, travel the world, and offer Tim a couch (or blowie)
🎙️ Soundbite suggestions: "He nutted on my leg" joins the intro clip pool!
🚗 Tim’s heading to Ashtabula, so Monday will feature a Best Of episode. New content will drop later in the day—stay tuned!
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Quote of the Day:
"Don't fucking douche my fucking legs!" – Drunk Ditch Lady, 2025
🎵 Musical Moments:🧴 Also in this Episode:📞 Listener Voicemails:📢 Programming Note:💸 Support the Show:
00:00:00
Introduction
01:54:16
Adult Nintendo Fans Are Weird
07:10:11
Aduly Pokemon Dorks Are The Worst Too
10:07:11
The Most Annoying Internet Illness Faker Is Driving Me Crazy
13:55:16
Panic At The Pharmacy Over Gelcaps
16:31:09
Drunk Woman Stuck In A Ditch
26:24:05
Sign Up For The Sideshow!
27:39:00
Super Smash Dating
31:28:08
Your Teacher Today Will Be Mr. Pedophile
36:42:10
Getting Naked With Your Massage Clients
41:15:19
Voicemail Line: 206-666-4463 / Ending