General disclaimer. This podcast (and episodes moving forward are hetero normative and from the perspective of a male. This is not done to exclude but simply because it is the only frame I'm remotely qualified to speak from.) In this episode we're going to walk a the fine line between attractive and the toxic masculine. (If the term toxic masculine offends you, get the fuck out - this isn't the episode or podcast for you.) In general the difference between the two, comes down to selfishness. Am I thinking exclusively of myself without regard for others? Or can I take on dominance, power, authority and leadership in a different way. That different way is where this convo is going. Among the women that I've dated and female clients (especially powerful women) there's a growing demand for the dominant masculine. This is showing up everywhere and a good example of that is the rapid rise in interest in BDSM among women. The tricky part here is that this dominant masculine shouldn't be taken on because it will make us more attractive partners as men. That's people pleasing by a different name and invariably leads to pain and resentment. At the extreme, it's your agency and fulfillment traded entirely for another's. So what's left to do here is explore how to take on this kind of behavior for yourself. For that matter, how do I take on finding fulfillment, joy, and direction in my life from within? We'll call that assertiveness. I believe that assertiveness is best cultivated by beginning to hone intuition. That is, the little voice in the back of your mind that tells you to turn off onto that side road. The little ping that draws you closer to a specific stranger for reasons unknown. The more we begin to roll the dice with that gut feeling, the more we unlock what makes us feel truly alive. Assertiveness is also the willingness to pursue those things at the risk of looking weird, or being judged. Setting aside any recriminations, imagined or otherwise, in favor of honoring your deepest desired and truths. Provided those drives aren't pushing you to hurt others, you're generally never going to go wrong by pursuing what feels alive to you. The pleasant side bonus of all this, is something scientists call positive affective field. That is, people who are normally unhappy, sad, anxious, or depressed begin to inexplicably feel good in your space. That is the essence of Charisma. The ability to meaningfully impact the emotional experience of another human being - and it is single handedly the most attractive trait you can possess. So take a gamble. Set aside the voice that tells you that you can wait til tomorrow, or now isn't a good time, and adventure where your heart tells you. That is how you embody the attractive masculine. And don't let any of those idiots at redpill tell you otherwise.
