Join me as my journey continues into the chapter when I reflect more in depth about my return to work following paternity leave. I speak specifically about some of the challenges I faced upon my return to work that left me feeling unsupported and most likely contributed to the return of my panic attacks. Further organization challenges push my panic attacks to grow. I do not blame the RCMP for this. I largely accept that due to all of my past experiences my body was simply overwhelmed by the slightest situation or challenge now. This is what PTSD can look like after years of stress taking a toll on the body's fight or flight system.
My tolerance to stress had significantly been reduced after years of over exposure to various stressful events. Our bodies can only take so much, before the body pushes back and puts its own limitations in place forcing you to deal with your health once and for all. I had been avoiding my "stress" and PTSD for years and my clock had finally run out. I wasn't aware of this all at this moment to this depth, but reflecting back it is incredibly clear to me.
In addition to my final panic attack, which I believed mimicked a heart attack. I recall a sensation so strong in the body that to me it meant that this was my final warning sign. If I did not fully address my struggle I would end up dead as a young man with a heart attack due to stress.
I shortly after fell into a deep depression or what I like to call it now, a state of "deep rest". My medical cannabis consumption increased significantly during this period and my addiction formed quickly. While I believed in moments that my PTSD, depression and anxiety were properly being managed by the cannabis I had in fact created a much more complex issue behind the PTSD.
Join me as we cover more of my journey that lead to when I recognized I needed help. I was forced to ask my employer for help despite the immense hesitation I had to reach out to them while maintaining the position of being a Police Officer.
We often run from our problems, hoping to avoid and deny them the light of day. The pain this in turn causes can be profound. Be kind to yourself and embrace discomfort. Get the help that exists beyond the struggle. Your health depends on it.
Thank you for listening and thank you for your support!
