Join me as I reflect on leaving rehab. Rehab allowed such a shift in my recovery to happen. For me to learn so much about myself and to finally recover from years of trauma. Going home I was fearful, concerned and hopeful to bring these new teachings home with myself. I knew that the hard work would begin at home. I needed to challenge myself in many ways to maintain recovery. I reflect on what these challenges looked like. I discuss my fear and excitement with returning home.
I also reflect on when the pandemic struck and how we as society were asked to socially isolate. The challenges that came from this time were immense. We all suffered. Our mental health suffered, so did other aspects of our health. We are social "creatures" and without connection in our lives we will begin to face challenges to our overall health. I reflect on my own challenges in this moment and how it contributed to my relapse.
My son was later born in December 2020 and I knew when I held him that if I did not embrace sobriety I would fail as a father. I knew the pain behind addiction and was not prepared to become the same person I did in the depths of PTSD.
I also knew that it was time to retire from the RCMP. That this was exactly what I needed in order to promote further recovery. I believed I could not recover if I continued to be a Mountie. After all so much trauma had not only come from being a first responder, but I single handidly saw first hand how the Mounties deal with harassment and bullying internally.
I had to learn to let go of a childhood dream. A disillusioned thought of what being a Police Officer really was. I had to embrace my fear of retiring early, challenge myself to create a new identity and continue to heal from everything I had experienced over the years.
Now these challenges ultimately lead to incredible growth and I would not change a single part of my story.
As they saying goes, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
I hold gratitude for it all and thanks for what's to come!
Thank you for listening and thank you for your support!
