Join me as I recall when I learned that as Police Officer we are often thrust into incredibly difficult situations. I learned early on that in order to manage my own emotions I needed to shut them down first and rely on my training to ensure the most positive outcome. Repeated cycles of this coping style are beneficial in the Policing environment but often times lead to much unresolved trauma.
I acknowledge that this is how I began handling much of my experienced trauma and unfortunately suppressed many of the events over the course of my career. I would argue that most first responders take this approach in the beginning and only until later realize its true impact.
*** Trigger Warning ***
I discuss in detail about an event that I found particularly disturbing. On this event my partner and I were swarmed in the Village one night and we both feared for our lives. I talk about the event from the perspective of a first responder. The impact of people who are intoxicated and how their negative interactions with Police often force us to take unprecedented action to ensure our own safety. I also discuss the impact of the situation and how it caused me to block out portions of my memory and how adrenaline being dumped into the body can give you limitless amounts of strength in an attempt to ensure your survival.
While I do not condone violent acts action was required to be taken by myself to ensure our own safety.
In closing I reflect how, years later, I had to begin my journey into therapy and learn how to talk about my traumatic experiences in order to heal.
If you are suffering please seek help, please know you are not alone in this.
Continue to hold hope for yourself and know that the place that you are in does not have to be that way forever.
Much love!
