I reflect on last weeks episode where I was swarmed as a Police Officer and the long lasting impact it had on myself. Following that event I feared being in large crowds on days off and started socially isolating. My anxiety would later become a monumental road block for myself and my social life as I believed that social isolation was a healthy coping tool to keep me safe. My inner circle and friendships were impact by my inability to feel safe at social functions and thus I simply stopped being social. It took years of therapy to find feelings of being safe in larger crowds and reteach myself the importance of social connection as I began to heal.
*** Trigger Warning ***
I recall a particularly disturbing event involving a mother who had serious Mental Health issues and how her behaviours may have impacted her newborn son. No one was hurt in this episode but I do forewarn you that I again paint a very detailed image of how witnesses a potentially violent act towards a baby impacted myself.
In this episode I speak about the first time I dissociated and what that experience was like. Trauma often causes us to dissociate in an effort to protect ourselves from anticipated pain.
I reflect how I initially had suppressed this incident into memory and completely "forgot" about it. It wasn't until thirteen years later, when my son was born, that this painful memory was triggered and brought back to the forefront of my memory to be processed and dealt with.
In closing this will be the last traumatic event I speak of openly from my perspective. We will be shifting gears into leaving my traumatic calls I experienced while in Whistler, B.C. and continuing into the next phase of my journey when I became a plain clothes member investigating various Provincial and Federal level Criminal Investigations.
Please reach out if you are struggling and seek professional help. You are not alone in this journey and often times the first step in order to promote your own well being is reaching out for help!
Take care and much love!
