Hello, everybody, welcome back to the cloud campus podcast. This is Laurie your host, I'm here to talk about social conditions our well being, and how we relate to ourselves in the world.
Today, I'm going to talk about the behavioral health perspective of internal and external circumstances. So I'm a behavioral health specialist, I've been a social worker for 20 years, I've studied human behavior. And I have been taught to I'm not even going to say, fix human behavior, although that's what many of my jobs have required, or asked of me to do. I'm gonna say more importantly, observe, and assess, and relate and provide interventions for and etc, and so on. And that's incredible. Like, I love my job. I love the clients I work with. And I've gotten some really good results with people.
Here's the concern that I have. I'm in 2019, I was hospitalized for suicide attempt. And it was a in 2019, it's 2022. I've done some healing. I know now that that was a direct result of a provider. In fact, multiple providers continuing to neglect, what I told them was the concern. They didn't listen, they didn't hear me. And they didn't want to, because they have their own preconceived notions, it's actually called implicit bias on what my problem was, and how it needed to be fixed.
That is not how I practice today. In fact, in that suicidal hospitalization, I was in the padded room. And I'm not going to be ashamed of that. Because my emotions were so, this is what happens when somebody isn't heard and listened to him. So when you see people fighting on the streets, when you when you see, you know, gang violence, and when you see powerful men dismissing you and devaluing you, and humanizing you to the point where you feel yourself, you don't deserve to exist. That is not an individual problem anymore. That is a social condition, it is a symptom of how we are living our lives today.
So when I was in the padded room, and the nurses and the staff could not get to me, they refused to be medication. And they left me in there to in a severe panic attack. And if you've ever had a panic attack, you know how incredibly terrifying they are, you know, how explosive they can be, you know, how just emotive they can be. And so that's actually also called rape. It's also called a tantrum. It's also called, misbehaving, it's called a shit ton of things. But what it really is, what really was happening to me that was that I was in such incredible fear in I was in a fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response. And the response I was exhibiting to the world was fight. And internally, at that same moment, in my own internal navigation system, something came through, even as I was exhibiting those behaviors. And it said to me, you really need to get clear on what's going on here.
There is no one no one, no one in this world that knows what you've been through.
They don't know how you experienced it.
They don't know how you relate it to it. They don't have that information.
Therefore, they only have, let's say 50% of the information, meaning whatever assessments are being made about you, this is the voice in my head clear his day. You might want to reconsider how much value you place on other people's beliefs and expectations and shoulds because a they don't know half the information, and they do not have your best interest in mind, so you fucking better. You better have your best interest in mind because they don't have it. If you're going to survive this. You must.
You must start listening to yourself instead of the people telling you what your problems are. Now, at that point I was, I was pretty clear about what my problems are. And nobody was listening. And I propose that so many of us in this world also know exactly what our problem is. And nobody's listening. Here's why I propose that because I've been working with you for 20 years, I've been working with the public for 20 years coming to me sharing with me their deepest, darkest secrets, and shames an
