David Bedrick writes, "A parent asked me to help her ten year old son who had been expelled from school for spitting at the school bus driver on 3 occasions. Here's what UnShaming revealed:
UnShaming begins by getting to know what a person is actually doing, instead of assuming that I know and believe it's wrong.
I asked him to show me how he spit. I modeled it for him by spitting myself. As we both got into spitting, it was apparent that he spit with a certain anger.
After he was befriended, he told me that he hated the bus driver.
-'Why don't you like him?' I asked.
-'He treats the disabled kids badly when they get on the bus.'
He and I shared something - an outrage for injustice.
It was easier for me to express my anger, not because I was a better person or more mature, but because I had privileges that he did not, making it more likely that people take me seriously:
-I was older
-I had advanced degrees
-I had a facility with words to amplify my voice, a gift I always had.
He didn't need to be told why he shouldn't spit. He needed to be empowered so that he could express himself in MORE powerful ways.
AND the school system needed to take heed of the bus driver's bigotry - they too, along with the bus driver, should have been brought to my room or expelled.
UnShaming doesn't fix or heal what is wrong with a person, it brings out what is RIGHT about a person, confirming and validating who they really are."
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