The Holistic Psychologist recently shared that "Safe relationships don't always feel good. You will be in tears with each other having tough conversations and facing the wounded parts of yourself. Safe relationships just won't weaponize or shame those parts of you."
While they wish Episode 14 was a tidy wrap-up to the dishes conflict in Episode 13 (catch it here: https://anchor.fm/partnership.podcast/episodes/In-conflict--Silencing-vs--Submission-e1thb1i) the fact of the matter is that not all conflicts are solved in one attempt. Remember, this is a "how-they" podcast, NOT a "how-to" podcast.
As they discuss this week, Trey and Lauren both have wounds left over from parents, previous partners, etc. that are triggered and activated by seemingly trite things such as dishes - or as they now call it in their home, "DISHGATE."
Thanks to you, audience, Trey and Lauren now know they are not alone! Episode 13 resulted in more messages, listens, and ANGER than any other. Many of you messaged to say you were so mad, you couldn't even finish listening! One of you even sent in a study that affirms Lauren's sensitivity to commonly gendered chores such as dishes! And it's amazing! (Read it here: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/2378023118765867)
The Council of Contemporary Families (CCF), examined a variety of different household tasks—including shopping, laundry, and housecleaning, and found that, for women in heterosexual relationships, it’s more important to share the responsibility of doing the dishes than any other chore!
The study goes on to share that "egalitarian arrangements are more conducive to higher quality relationships because they foster cooperation and communication among partners, two essential and apparently increasingly important predicates to a good sex life and good relationship."
While they didn't know about this study when they recorded - you'll get to watch the research play out in real time on this episode. You'll be able to feel how ready Trey is to put Dishgate behind them, while Lauren continues to prolong the conversation seeking clarity over ownership and the division of labor!
Lauren can sense exactly what this CCF article is referencing when it says that, "when it comes to more global relationship satisfaction, individuals are perfectly happy to bend convention as long as the division of labor appears to benefit themselves. The consequence, however, is that although one partner may be reasonably satisfied with the relationship, the other is not, a direct contrast to the supposed benefits of separate spheres." Can you sense it too?
Do you and your partner ALSO have conflicts? Do you feel safe to share your opinions and not have them weaponized against you? Click here to book a Free 15-Minute Consult to see how Lauren can help you get curious about the hows and whys behind your arguments: https://sexedforyou.as.me/freeconsult
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Reminder: This is not a "how to" podcast, but rather a "how they" podcast. Please listen to our opinions and then come to your own! Learn from our mistakes or give our techniques a try! It’s all up to you.
Looking to expand your own sexuality education in the new year? Check out Lauren's monthly membership program, HEMLOCK. At only $10 a month you'll have access to the tools you need to begin to reclaim your sexuality for yourself! https://sexedforyou.com/hemlock
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