Welcome to Episode 83: My spiritual walk after grief
We are starting a new series; "Grief Season"
Topic: The other side of Grief: How do I know myself after grief?
Ice Breaker:
The Four Agreements:
- Don’t Make Assumptions. Ask for what you want.
- Find the Courage to ask for what you want. Others have the right to tell you yes or no, but you always have the right to ask. Likewise, everybody has the right to ask you for what they want, and you have the right to say yes or no.
The Fifth Agreement
- I don’t concern myself with other people’s opinions
- I know that the opinions that come from other people have nothing to do with me. This really frees me! Whatever people think of me is really about the image they have of me and that image isn’t me.
Topic: The other side of Grief? How do I know myself after grief?
- The hard truth and the thing we do not talk about is you don’t.
- It takes intentionality to figure out who you are.
- I am just now getting to a place where I see some of my old self and the “normality” of life.
- Grief is tricky. Once you accept something, something else can happen and then something else is triggered.
- Let’s talk about the word triggered. What does it actually mean?
- Per Psych Central; "In psychology, a “trigger” is a stimulus that causes a painful memory to resurface. A trigger can be any sensory reminder of the traumatic event: a sound, sight, smell, physical sensation, or even a time of day or season."
- A trigger is something that sparks a reaction to a traumatic or mental health event
- Someone dies and it takes you back to a place where you dealt with another death
- You smell the perfume your mom used to wear and your mood changes
- You drive past the last place you saw your dad and tears are formed
- A common example is fireworks being blasted by war veterans and the veteran reacts as if he or she is a soldier at war or back in their military mindset.
- There is such thing as a “Grief Trigger”
- My grief assists
- anything that brings up memories of a loss that has happened to you.
- Smells
- Memories
- Seeing someone who looks like your loved ones or seeing a house that reminds you of the house you lost
- Sometimes it’s hard to handle it because grief will come out of nowhere. You will see something and start crying
- I remember being at a wedding and seeing a mother and son and daddy and daughter dance, and I cried, between the songs, the smells, the alcohol, and the thought of “I will never experience this.” I was triggered.
- Graduation was another thing. When I graduated from college with my bachelor's, we were struggling. I felt like I didn’t appreciate my mom and all she did. I honestly felt like I was wrapped up in some boy. So with my master's, I wanted to redo and make that graduation extra special. But she was killed 6 months before graduation. So, I never got the experience I thought I would have. Graduations trigger me.
- Learning my triggers helped me to know where I can go.
- It helped with boundaries.
- It helped with being present at the moment.
- I was able to title my emotions through therapy, journaling, and productive conversation.
- Sometimes you do not need to talk to your family and friends about what you are feeling at the moment. It can be hard to explain it and express what you’re going through.
- Seeking a grief group or therapist who specializes in grief is helpful
Affirmation: I am confident in my ability to heal through grief and know myself.
**Please remember that the information provided is not a substitute for services provided by a mental health professional. In an emergency, please call 911. You can also call 988 for mental health support and resources. In a non-emergency, you can go to healingshegotfaith.org/resources for additional resources.**
