This week in The Update Journal, I officially accepted that I am no longer the target demographic for… well, anything. First, we begin with kid trends—specifically Ice Spice, Big Guy, and a SpongeBob movie song that had an entire cafeteria dancing while I stood there wondering when exactly my youth filed a missing persons report. Then, part two of The Last Week Wait: a trip to Target for Bane’s supplies that should’ve taken five minutes, but instead featured lines so long they required emotional preparation, snacks, and possibly a camping permit. Faced with the choice between waiting or preserving my sanity, I chose neither—and simply walked out. And finally, Brandon’s Take: the cost of Christmas in 2025, where Santa is apparently charging surge pricing, gift-giving requires a small loan, and every receipt ends with me staring into the distance asking, “Was it always this expensive… or am I just awake now?”
In the headlines on #TheUpdate this Wednesday, authorities have asked the public for any footage they might have of the gunman who fatally shot two students and wounded nine others at Brown University, even as they released a new video timeline and a slightly clearer image of a possible suspect.
An off-duty Customs and Border Protection officer fired his gun several times during a confrontation with another motorist on an access road for New York’s Kennedy Airport, police say.
And in Brookline, Massachusetts, a professor at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology was fatally shot at his home near Boston, and authorities said they had launched a homicide investigation.
