This week we've been talking about the various thought patterns in my head that I've been able to recognize. There's the prosecutor, who is always looking out wrongdoers around me. There's the defender, who justifies my usually bad actions. And today I Want to talk to you about other people.
What other people? Anyone. Maybe it's a family. An old coworker. Some guy I that cut me off in traffic. They'll usually appear when I'm in the shower, or driving or frankly, somewhere there's not a screen. Or somewhere my mind can idle. My mind will summon them, and they will be right there with me, and we will commence the argument. There, in full affect, naked and alone in the shower, the prosecutor and the defense attorney work together and I tell them what's what!
The arguments are always the same. And I get trapped in them. Sometimes, I feel power with every witty comeback I'll never say. False pride and power courses through me. Other times, I summon an other to flog me. To replay events of my mistakes and past actions for no reasons other than to torture myself.
I find that the continued presence of an other is often an indicator that I am spiritually sick. If I am in the shower, mumbling at someone that isn't there, no matter what the cause, that means there's something I can't accept, and something I need to clean up.
Fortunately, acknowledging why they're in the shower usually makes them disappear. If not, it's an indicator that I've got something to clean up or a relationship to repair.
