Step 1 - Determining the Necessity of Confrontation
Remembering Proverbs 19:11
When to confront
When it's impossible to forget the offense
When the relationship with the person is strained
When you suspect someone has something against you
Avoiding the temptation to "chicken out"
The Three Day Rule - Is it still bothering you after three days? If yes, you need to confront it.
Host: Step 2 - Defining the Problem
Questions to ask:
What's the issue?
What was said or done?
Identifying the sin
Assessing the impact
The necessary change
Emphasizing the use of Scripture for rebuke and correction
Host: Step 3 - Getting the Log Out of Your Eye
Understanding our own sins and temptations
Galatians 6:1 and the importance of self-awareness
Host: Step 4 - Preparing Your Heart
Motives for confronting
Glorifying God
Turning the person from sin
Seeking reconciliation
Cultivating right attitudes
Gentleness, patience, humility, and genuine concern
Ensuring your content is good
The power of prayer in effective communication
Host: Step 5 - The Confrontation Process
Speaking privately and choosing the right setting
Affirming your affection for the person
Sharing your concerns with biblical language
Maintaining a spirit of inquiry and openness
Offering biblical counsel and solutions
Providing sufficient time for reflection
Praying with and for the person
Following up on the conversation
Expressing affection and appreciation (if it went well)
Moving to the next level of the Matthew 18 model (if necessary)
Summarizing the importance of lovingly confronting sin
RESPONDING TO CONFRONTATION
1. Listen humbly and prayerfully.
a. If you need time to process- ask for time to process and pray about what has been said. (If you do this every time- you may have a heart problem of pride and unteachableness).
b. Determine if and where you have sinned.
c. Make an effort to get together with the one you have sinned against.
2. Confess.
a. Not only your words and actions, but also your motives.
b. Express sorrow- See II Corinthians 7:9-11.
i. For the act.
ii. Consequences of your actions.
o You are letting them know that you have caused pain, anxiety, or difficulty.
c. Identify the lessons learned and the ways you are going to change.
3. Ask for forgiveness.
4. Thank and affirm.
RESPONDING TO A CONFESSION
1. Tell the person you forgive him/her. (Don’t say “It’s OK” or “Don’t worry about it”)- Sin is never OK!
2. Thank the one seeking forgiveness for coming and confessing.
3. Ask if he has any offense toward you as a result of the incident.
a. If applicable, confess.
4. Declare the episode over- dead and gone!
a. Express your intent to walk fully reconciled to the person.
Nugget:
“There are three dimensions to the peace that God offers to us through Christ: peace with God, peace with one another, and peace within ourselves.”
― Ken Sande, The Peacemaker
