Kids or no kids? That is the question. Without a doubt, both of you have to see eye to eye on this question because it’s not like you can turn back time or get a refund. If you are on polar ends with your partner… And neither of you are willing to budge, there is no give or take.
Once you decide what to do, it’s almost certain that one of you will resent the other; it creates an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship. It’s a catch 22. If you decide not to have children, the resentment builds as you watch friends and peers start families.
If you decide to have children, the resentment builds as you see your childless friends go on adventures and spend their time effortlessly without the parenting responsibility. It will pull you guys apart and it’s just not worth dragging a child through the mess. If you both don’t want kids… Then that’s it, simple and easy.
If you both want kids…Then it depends on when and how. When do you want to have them? Do you want to have biological children? How open are you to fertility treatments if necessary? How open are you to adoption? In terms of how many children, that can be discussed after you’ve had one. It’s fine if you currently disagree on the number because once you become parents, you’ll have a better idea of whether more kids are in the picture. If one or both of you are uncertain… It can be tough to have a definitive answer about kids if it’s something you or your partner haven’t thought deeply about.
From social pressures to the fear of losing your independence, check out my “Ultimate Guide To Deciding Whether You Should Have Kids” to help you make a decision.
