This is the first episode we recorded. I turned up at Patricks house with some homemade flapjacks, slightly sweaty and red faced from the tube. After Patrick had made us both a cup of tea, we sat down on his sofa and started chatting. This episode is all about the mixture of grief and friendships.
I was 20 when my Mum died, and in my second year of university. I remember the mixed feelings I had going ‘out’ for the first time… wondering whether it looked like I wasn’t mourning my Mum. But also, being in such a numb state I wasn’t even sure whether I was feeling sad. I had no idea what I was feeling.
I wanted to explore how grief intertwines with friendships, particularly in your twenties when a lot of friends haven’t experienced a loss of this magnitude. Patrick asks me about how I told my friends my Mum had died, and what a ‘good’ reaction looks like (if there is such a thing). We also talk about why I never wanted it to mean friends couldn’t talk about more ‘trivial’ things. But also, how your friends can’t exactly say ‘there’s plenty more fish in the sea’ like you might do if someone is going through a breakup…
If you have any thoughts, or reflections I’d love to hear them. Email me at FeelingGriefyElla@gmail.com
Here is my blog: https://www.cancerispants.co.uk/blog
I'll post a few pictures to go with each episode on Instagram. Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/ellalouisehowes
The artwork is by Amelia McCurdy, the music is by Eden Townend and the producer is Patrick Thomas.
Amelia - https://www.instagram.com/marigolddough/
Eden - https://soundcloud.com/eden-townend
Patrick - https://www.instagram.com/thepatrickt/
