Description

First aid becomes useless if you can't safely perform it without injuring yourself. 

Continual caregiving can take a toll on our physical, mental, and emotional strength. Stress, anxiety, excessive worrying, irrational fears, depression, sleep disruption, and physical problems are not just experienced by a child in crisis, but often by parents, too. Remember, we can’t take care of others if we don’t take care of ourselves.

Our first instinct as humans is to sacrifice ourselves to save a loved one who is hurting or in danger. Seeing our floundering child, and heedless of the hazards, we blindly dive to the rescue.

Fully immersed, with our child desperately clinging to us, we no longer have the capacity to keep ourselves - and our child - above water. It feels as if our child pushes off us to propel themselves above water, while we sink deeper and deeper below the surface. Once in the water, we often get sucked into a whirlpool of pain, shame or blame.

Living in Idaho near some of the world’s best whitewater rafting, I have observed when river-rafting guides rescue someone who has fallen into the water, the guide stays in the boat. Using a special rescue bag, a lifeline is thrown to the person who is in trouble from the ideal position of being able to give the most help. These lifelines provide a means to rescue someone in a difficult situation. If you find yourself out of the boat and floundering in the water, grab one of these 3 lifelines back to safety.

Lifeline One:  “Everything is going to be okay.”

One of the primary steps of first aid is to make sure the person in crisis is breathing. Take a second, breathe deeply, and embrace this phrase:  “Everything is going to be okay.”

Lifeline Two:  Put on your own oxygen mask first.

This airplane rule of safety ensures survival in real life as well. You won’t be able to love, serve, strengthen, and support if you don’t maintain your own health. 

Give yourself permission to carve out a few minutes for self-care each day. Recharging your physical and emotional batteries can look like many things: regular exercise, a healthy diet, increased sleep, and finding things that spark joy for you. It means spending time (even just ten minutes), EVERY SINGLE DAY on a renewal activity. Discover what works best for you!

Remember, self-care shows up in conversations as well. Make sure to "Lead With What You Need" and remember when we say "yes" to someone else, we have to evaluate if that’s a "no" to ourselves. While you may not be advertising to the world that you are in Survival Mode, you can create personal boundaries of space and time. A useful phrase to avoid accepting an assignment or invitation, without explanation, is simply:  “That’s not going to work for me.” 

Self-care IS taking care of others. By strapping on your own oxygen mask first, you ensure that you have the life-saving vitality to give from a position of strength rather than one of weakness.

Lifeline three:  Paddle Together. 

It’s not uncommon to feel like our child’s struggle is a family secret that can’t be shared with others. Sometimes, shame plays out in our heads and makes us afraid to look like a parenting failure.

There is no shame in needing or asking for support. As you do, you will be surprised at how many others have struggled or are currently struggling, with similar concerns. Courage doesn’t always come from within. Sometimes courage comes from the support we feel from others. 

(Duracell Moments of Warmth Campaign link: https://youtu.be/x1mNkHFjS1s)

No matter the need, you are not alone! Working together, we can make an unbearable situation bearable.