Kim John Payne is an award winning author who has been quietly and passionately working to help tens of thousands of people give voice to the feeling that something is not okay about the new normal of overwhelm that so many people are now experiencing. He offers do-able ways to realize the hopes and values we all have for ourselves, and build deep connections with our children that give families resiliency and simple joy. His book, Simplicity Parenting, is one of my favorites and has been a staple on my shelf for years.
Highlights of our conversation include:
The canoe metaphor - Let’s just paddle alongside our kids’ journey down the river. Let’s just come alongside them.
How rites of passage shape our children and the eldering energy that is held by a group around the child.
There has to be space in our family life for us to be elders.
“How do we give ourselves the space…so that when it gets rough, we’ve established a culture in the family of connection that will get us through.”
“We can’t change what comes at us in life, but we can change how/where we meet it.”
For every “S” Day (Stimulating) try to balance it out with a “C” Day (calming) - this balances out the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems.
Having our kids on screens a lot is the antithesis to opening up their frontal lobe, because it keeps them in the lower functions of their brain.
“It’s too much, too soon. Too sexy, too young. It’s just too much. But it’s become the new normal.”
By the time our elementary school students hit college, 70% of all jobs will be self-employed or project based.
Simplicity parenting is not of the past. It’s actually the future. Simplicity parenting is forward looking, since it supports creativity and self motivation - which is the world our kids are going into.
The average American child is exposed to between 7-8 hours of screen time/day.
Parents spend hundreds of dollars buying the device of our own demise as a family.
Some marketing companies refer to parents as “purchasing friction!”
We are raising a generation of kids who are going to be very susceptible to displacement activities, such as addiction.
“The place to find out more is here in your instincts. It’s in your heart, it’s in your gut. Do we have to cut our kids off from modern life? No. But when they come home, they get a balance. In giving our kids a balance, we actually prepare them to be successful in modern life…have the courage to trust your instincts.”
Question: At what age do you recommend it is appropriate for an iPhone?
KJP Answer: Whatever age you want their childhood to end. Whatever age you want to see your family values flooded and displaced.
Links:
https://www.simplicityparenting.com/
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