This podcast explores our universal need for Social Esteem: we need and desire to be valued by others. This esteem is very valuable, and we trade on it in many ways. But a problem arises when we try to be interesting: it’s actually very unappealing. It turns out the wise strategy is to be interested in others and to treat them with kindness and attention. The benefits for the recipient are considerable: lower blood pressure and heart rate; calming the fight flight system; less vascular constriction and inflammation; and feelings of warmth and connection towards others. And the same raft of benefits is produced for the person being kind. In addition, people who have deep interests end up being objectively more interesting, as an unintended side-benefit. Ironically, it is via absorption in interests that we forget self and thereby enhance our value in the eyes of others. Dale Carnegie put it best: ‘If you want to be interesting, remember one thing: be interested’
