Seneca, in Letters XCIV.3 (94.3) states: “He who has equipped himself for the whole of life does not need to be advised concerning each separate item, because he is now trained to meet his problem as a whole; for he knows not merely how he should live with his wife or his son, but how he should live aright. In this knowledge there is also included the proper way of living with wife and children.”
Lawrence Becker (a modern Stoic Philosopher) takes this a step further stating that we should look at the roles in our life “all things considered,” meaning not just by focusing on one at a time, but while keeping in mind the broader project of our lives.
I’ll give you an example. I am a father, a husband, and also a Coach, and a Board Member, and a friend, and a brother, and a son. In other words, like everyone else, I wear many different hats in my life. I play different roles.
The tendency is to focus with a microscope on each role individually….as separate from each other. It comes naturally. But it is a mistake! By focusing only on the role we are playing in the moment, we lose sight of the proper balance across all the roles. Don’t misunderstand, I have expectations for my own behavior in each individual role (towards my children, my wife, my clients, my fellow board members, my friends, and family, etc). But these roles are bound to intersect and at times conflict with one another. When they do, then what?
Massimo Pigliucci (a modern Stoic Philosopher) says, “We need to keep in mind our ‘life project’ as a whole, treating every problem and approaching every relationship, all things considered, with the objective of finding the most harmonious dynamic equilibrium possible, given the circumstances and our resources of time, effort, and so forth.”
Today take a few minutes to reflect on the various roles you play in life and think of what it would mean to have every individual one working so harmoniously together that they create a ‘whole you.’ Your life project.
