“Unbreakable"
The last 4+ months have been the hardest as a parent that I have ever experienced.
I have questioned my ability to be a quality father.
I have questioned my ability to have control of "the situation".
I have questioned my ability to be there for my son in the way he needed it.
I have questioned... if I was even what he needed.
Since October 29th Eva and I have had an extremely tough time getting our 7-year old son Camden, to school.
In total, he has only been to 3 full days since that time.
He has been experiencing some major anxiety when we get to the gates of the school.
To the point where his body language physically changes and you can see he is experiencing pain.
We have been taking him almost every day, sometimes sitting in the office until 2:30 and he still won’t go to class.
At first, for Eva and I, it was mainly frustration.
“What is the problem?”
“You are making me late for work”
“Just go in like all of the other kids”
We tried a number of things to get him to go in.
Incentives, rewards, therapists, consequences, threats... you name it we tried it.
Yesterday, I got a call from the school nurse explaining that it might be a good idea to get him to be homeschooled for the rest of the year.
After the months of frustration we strongly considered it, we spoke with the therapist last night and she said, “let’s give it another 2 weeks”.
So today’s goal was to get him into the classroom for 15 minutes.
I know that doesn’t sound like much, but when you look into his eyes and see the pain, fear, and disappointment in them, you’d probably change your mind.
To him, this is a REAL fear.
It is the equivalent to me being told I have to go skydiving, it is just happening at a lower scale for him.
So to see him get to school and KNOW he has to face something that he is afraid of doing is an accomplishment in itself.
When we walked in today, we sat down and the counselor walked in and said, “Camden, it's time to go”.
He got up and walked with her to class.
17 minutes later, he came back with papers, Valentine’s cards, and a huge smile on his face and said, “I did it” and gave me a fist bump.
As soon as we stepped outside he yelled, “YEAH!, I’m Unbreakable!”
When we got in the car he asked to listen to the song “Unbreakable" by Anti-Flag: http://bit.ly/UnBreakable-AF
So we put it on and turned it up to 11.
He wanted to listen to this song because this is how he felt in that moment.
Unbreakable.
For obvious reasons, this is now currently my favorite song.
I have never been so proud of him.
It has nothing to do with him going to school for 15 minutes.
It has everything to do with him facing his fears, accepting a challenge, and coming out on top.
It has everything to do with him feeling that he is unbreakable.
I am proud of him for not giving up and trying each day.
I am proud of him for teaching me a new lesson over these last few months.
I am proud of him because he is my son.
But most importantly, I’m proud of him because he is…
“Unbreakable"
___________________
The opening Lyrics to “Unbreakable”
When I get knocked down I get back up again, yeah
Backed by my family and my friends, yeah
A vicious culture leaves us lost in life
Fueled on anger, fueled on spite
Watch the phoenix rising up
This ain't no fucking joke
Unbreakable
Unbreakable today
Unbreakable
In every single way
*If your worry is that my 7-year old heard the F-word, you’ve missed the message.
