I blocked myself from creativity for decades. I didn't go to art school even though I had a place. Perhaps I felt I had to pursue something more sensible in life? Perhaps I just didn't give myself permission at that time to become a painter?
Distraction
I used to distract myself from this gap in my life..the void of not being creative. I used to distract myself by buying things. I think that was filling something inside me, because now I no longer have that impulse.
Motherhood
I wasted a lot of time trying to be a perfect mother. ... I spent a lot of time baking. I made very elaborate birthday cakes... all that creative energy was going into baking, into cooking. Since returning to painting, I've abandoned the concept of perfectionism.
I painted privately in my home for a long time before I had the courage to share my work. I felt very shy, very private. I wasn't brave enough to share my work.
'The Artist's Way' by Julia Cameron
When I was struggling to find my way back into some kind of creative life, having never lived a creative life, I read Julia Cameron's book, The Artist's Way. The first time I read her book, I tried writing. It seemed the obvious choice having studied literature. I had a Masters in French literature. I spent years trying to write poetry and fiction. It never came easily. I was using my laptop, it felt very much like work. I was at a desk, I was distracted by email. It felt very like my work life, my day job, it just never flew, there was never any flow.
Years later, I started Julia Cameron's book again and this time it resonated differently with me. She includes several exercises about trying to tap back into what resonated with you when you were a child.
"[For me] it was painting, it was always painting. And for whatever reason I didn't give myself permission to paint before...when I started painting again, I felt so true to myself. It felt so real in a way that nothing else in my life felt real. It was like as if I was acting, performing in so many parts of my life. And when I painted, it was my authentic self."
"I've been masking my whole life. I have been imitating others, trying to behave like others, trying to fit in. Painting in my studio is the only place where I don't mask, where I am completely myself."
Creative Blocks
Other things that block me include:
I experience a low point after completing a body of work, especially for exhibition. For me the wheel of creation was spinning very fast as I worked hard towards my fixed deadline. Afterwards the wheel stops, there's no momentum. There's a lull, a fallow period while I feel very uncreative. I'm exhausted, depleted. I need to rest, replenish, find inspiration again.
Overcoming Creative Blocks
"Keep believing in yourself . Believe that with every painting, every body of work, your work is getting stronger. Keep following that voice inside you that's leading you."
I hope this has been helpful and given you some suggestions If you have any other suggestions of things you do when you're blocked, I'd love to hear them.
You can see my work on instagram: @eadaoin_glynn and on www.eadaoinglynn.com
