Sometimes, something disturbs you more than a burning house which can be rebuilt…
You feel a sense of personal failure and guilt:
The _home_ isn’t destroyed; _you_ are 🫥!
What should you do when you feel guilt and pain regarding your spiritual state?
You can't even comfort yourself by declaring that everything is for the good…
Because _you’ve_ done something wrong. You’ve transgressed G-d's will. You have placed yourself into circumstances that are messed up and even evil.
What do you do then?
Even in such a case, the Alter Rebbe challenges us to maintain a joyful, open heart, with no trace of depression, anxiety, guilt, or shame.
How is that even possible??
Should you not care that you’ve behaved badly?
Should you not feel guilt for your bad choices?
Should you not feel shame for allowing yourself to fall to such a state?
Obviously, you need to resolve the issues you are facing and repair the damage you’ve done.
But the way to do this is through regulating your emotions.
*You* are in charge of your emotions, and not the other way around.
Guilt, shame, or a sense of personal failure are not conducive emotions for change.
Instead, you need to channel the correct emotions whose energy will help you solve the problem and not just dig you in deeper.
The Alter Rebbe suggests setting up an appointment with yourself. Choose a specific time when things will be quiet and you’ll have time and mental space for dealing with the emotions and behaviors that require modification.
Until the time of the appointment, you need to shelve the mental file of the case. At the appointed time, you can retrieve it, open it, study it, and create a plan to fix that which is necessary.
Then you close the file, archive it, and be happy 😁!
You must know with complete confidence that you are doing your emotional homework properly and now G-d has forgiven you.
You are done.
Don’t dwell.
Move on.
Go do good things.
Beware:
The animal soul is a clever fellow.
He likes to try to hijack spiritual endeavors and turn them into guilt fests so that you cannot grow spiritually
For example:
If a negative emotion, such as sadness, worry, guilt, or shame, arise during prayer, Torah study, or the performance of a mitzvah, don’t think that this is a good thing!
This isn't the time to engage in such thoughts. Serving G-d must be done joyfully 😃!
Deal with it later, at a predetermined time.
What if these thoughts pop up while you’re busy at your job, or at the dinner table, or while talking to your spouse?
Again, don’t allow the thoughts to enter.
It isn’t real contrition.
The evil inclination simply sent them to trick you and drag you back into its net.
Think about it logically:
Since when does the average human being achieve a spiritual awakening and desire to repent, out of the blue, without any preparation or meditation? Why would depressing reminders of your spiritual state occur to you in the middle of the day?
Is this a G-dly voice talking to you?
Of course not…
This is a known tactic of the evil inclination. It has an interest in seeing you worry and doubting yourself 😧.
When you are confused 🤷🏻♀️or sad, you comfort yourself with the fact that at least you feel guilty… And that comfort is enough to get you to sin again.
You’ve turned yourself into a suffering hero 😇.
The animal soul knows good and well: When you’re sad, you’re weak , and then it's easier to control you.
There is never room for sadness or self-pity 😒 .
It doesn't serve you nor does it contribute to your relationship with G-d.
It’s only if you’ve intentionally set aside the time to deal with your issues that you can heal yourself. Often that means entering a state of bitterness or broken heartedness which can give you a bit of a squeeze and shake you up to take action.
But even then, only in low doses…
Once you’ve done that, only feelings of happiness and joy are appropriate!
