Yesterday we began learning about a strategy to reinspire and reignite a heart that has become cold and numb. The Zohar refers to this process as Shattering or reaching a state of Brokenheartedness.
Practically, how do you do this?
Think deeply about - don’t avoid! - the parts of you that have not yet healed, the areas that you struggle with, the aspects of yourself that you dislike admitting exist:
Your “self” that you identify with refers to your animal soul which stems from the forces of evil. That’s why you feel so distant from G-d.
You are strongly attracted to things that are forbidden, to sins that are against G-d’s will! 😧
Even if you don’t act out those desires, you get pleasure from the thoughts. You are not at all like the Tzaddik, the righteous person, who is repulsed by evil with every fiber of his being.
You identify more with your animal soul than your divine soul, but in actuality, you are _worse_ than an animal! An animal acts upon its instincts which were created exactly according to G-d’s plan. No creatures in the wild overeat, drug themselves up, commit suicide, or do dangerous stunts just to have fun.
But _you_ do! Only human beings, the most intelligent of all creations, willfully and knowingly engage in behavior that is self-destructive. Only human beings are capable of going against G-d’s will…
Even when you study Torah or pray, what’s it worth if straight afterwards, you return to your previous state of sin and disconnect from G-d?
Next comes the process of probing your memory for the negative thoughts and actions you’ve engaged in. This process is known as Soul Accounting.
Remind yourself that:
A sin is like a fractured limb. Even after the break has healed, there is often sensitivity or pain in that area.
Likewise, every sin that you ever did is a part of you.
This isn’t a bad thing. It reminds you that you're imperfect - a very vital point to always remember!
A sin impacts not only you and your environment in this world, but also the upper spiritual worlds, which are beyond time. This means that even sins from long ago are present as if you had done them today, G-d forbid!
What about sins that you repented for already?
It’s understandable that if you haven’t dealt with or rectified past negative behavior, that it would still be present in the spiritual worlds.
Why do the negative effects of a sin that you already repented for remain forever present in the spiritual worlds?
Teshuva - repentance and healing - requires deep excavation into your heart. There are many layers to the heart. You repent according to where you are at that point in time. As you heal, you can always dig deeper and uncover more aspects of this issue that still require rectification.
If there’s a stain on a colored, textured piece of fabric, the stain blends in and is hardly visible.
However, if the fabric is smooth and light colored, stains will be more obvious. You’ll need to scrub them more thoroughly, but also more gently.
A sin is like a stain on the soul. Teshuva, repentance, erases the stain. But even once you do that, later on, it’s not enough.
As you grow spiritually and become more refined and pure, suddenly those light shadows remaining from the old stains are more apparent. Before, in your previous state, they were unnoticeable. Now, however, you are cleaner. Those markings are visible once again and so a new process of spiritual cleansing - Teshuva - must occur.
When you notice yourself becoming numb and indifferent to spiritual pursuits, it’s time to reexamine your past misdeeds and heal in a deeper way
The purpose of the spiritual descent, is to produce future spiritual growth. It is intended to serve as a reminder that you need to reconnect with G-d on a deeper level. You will then discover great hidden strengths within yourself that you would not be able to access without undergoing this entire painful process.
